Pineapple Lies Read Free Page B

adorned in her trademark giraffe-print blouse.
    “Hi Bettie, you’re back!” Charlotte said, unsurprised to see her. Bettie had no permanent place of residence. She visited friends until it was time to hop to the next host home, and appeared in Pineapple Port two or three times a year.
    Bettie waved. “You look beautiful, Charlotte.”
    Bettie never had a bad word to say about anyone, didn’t mind if other people did all the talking and her obsession with giraffes made holiday shopping for her a breeze. Her collection of friends was no mystery.
    The officer turned to Charlotte, her thumbs hooked in her belt and her demeanor hovering somewhere between annoyed and simmering volcano. She was clearly a woman of many moods, all of them variations of cranky.
    “Two of your mothers are here,” said the officer. “Should I be on the lookout for any more?”
    Charlotte shook her head and stepped outside, leading her four visitors away from the door and towards the crime-taped gate.
    “What’s going on?” asked Mariska, as Charlotte half-beckoned, half-dragged her away from her front door. She herded the three instigators until they arrived on the edge of her property, as far from the officer as possible. Bettie, Charlotte knew, would follow wherever the others went.
    “Are you okay?” asked Darla. “There’s tape everywhere. We thought you were murdered!”
    “I’m fine. I was going to call you, but they showed up so fast I didn’t get a chance. Did you read the tape?” Charlotte pointed to the yellow strips draped across her gate. “It says, Do Not Cross .”
    “It’s on the fence,” said Penny, punctuating her comment with a sniff. She had a sniff for every emotion, from a level one Not Really Listening to You to a level ten Fury . This was a about a two: Don’t Waste my Time . “They didn’t go across your door with it. It’s a mixed message at best and a fine symbol of their infinite incompetence.”
    Charlotte paused, waiting for a level five Why is Everyone so Stupid? but Penny instead chose a well-timed hair flip, which, according to the body-language thesaurus, landed somewhere between a sniff and an eye-roll.
    “We didn’t cross the tape,” said Darla.
    “We didn’t cross it,” echoed Penny.
    “I didn’t cross it,” said Bettie. She looked at Charlotte with large brown eyes. “I didn’t, did I?”
    Charlotte smiled and patted Bettie on the shoulder.
    “No, you didn’t cross it, Bettie. None of you did. But we need to disperse this crowd. You’d think Justin Bieber was throwing a concert in my backyard.”
    “Who?” asked Penny.
    “Oh, he’s that awful Canadian kid,” said Darla. “Needs a good kick in the pants.”
    “But what’s going on ?” asked Mariska again.
    Charlotte looked around to be sure no one but her immediate crowd stood within hearing distance.
    “After you two left this morning I went to work on my garden and found bones.”
    Charlotte said found bones in a dramatic whisper. She didn’t mean to; the word bones just inspired drama.
    Mariska’s eyes grew wide as silver dollar pancakes (one of the dollar-fifty specials at the local diner, half-price on John F. Kennedy’s birthday.) Charlotte knew all the deals in town. She didn’t mean to; she just naturally absorbed that sort of information living in the Port. Coupons, promotions and deals made up twenty percent of local small talk. Fifty percent was medical related; the remaining thirty was a mixture of bragging about grandkids, disapproval, gossip and recipes.
    “Whaddya mean, bones ?” asked Darla.
    “Dog bones?” asked Bettie.
    Bless her heart.
    “Well, it was Franny’s Cairn who did the actual finding, but no, human bones. Definitely human bones. A skull, to be exact.”
    All four women put their hands to their mouths, except Penny, who put her hands on her hips and cocked her head hard enough to send her short bob haircut swinging.
    “That’s ridiculous.”
    Charlotte shrugged. “It’s