Part of Me (Jessa & Paxton #1) Read Free Page B

it’s a Venice thing.
    “Paxton… you’re high.” I can hear it in his quiet, dreamy voice. Every time I talk to him he’s at some loud party or just about to get it on with some chick… or high and completely disengaged. He’s not the kid I knew in River Bluff, which is disconcerting, but the least of my problems at the moment.
    “Doesn’t matter, does it?”
    “No.”
    The line goes silent. All I hear is Paxton’s breath. “I know you’re calling for a reason, kid. Spit it out,” he eventually mutters and I wonder why the hell I chose to dial his number. Ever since he went home all I get is a pissy attitude on the other end of the line.
    “I just came outside to get some air and I was bored, staring at the trees, so I thought you could keep me company, but that’s not really panning out for me.”
    “I’ll keep you company.”
    “Yeah,” I say, taking a deep breath; hesitating. “So… I’m kind of in a bind.”
    He lets out a low laugh. “You always got a reason.”
    “Well, clearly, if I’m just looking to chitchat you and your new badass attitude are not my go to. I just need to talk to someone out side of this quaint little life and you are the least quaint person I know.”
    “Jock Boy getting on your nerves?” he asks, using one of his nicknames for Dylan. He’s got a long list of nicknames for him. Jock Boy is one of the more generous on the list.
    “Everything’s getting on my nerves. I know once I spew all of this you are just going to be an arrogant ass and tell me you ‘told me so’ and I need to stop being such a poser, but I can’t keep it inside and I seriously have no one to talk to here.”
    “Lay it on me, Jess.”
    “I just… I can’t do this anymore… this cookie-cutter shit with Dylan. I don’t want to go on dates. I don’t want his thoughtful lips on me. I’m sick of rom-coms. I don’t want to be part of a group of couples. I don’t want to hold anyone’s hand. I don’t want to have to check in every half hour and account for every second of my life.  And the dorm – the girls, I can’t handle it. I don’t want to sneak sips of peach schnapps in a ten by ten room with twenty other girls. I don’t even know how to giggle. I get glared at every time the truth comes out of my mouth because no one here sees anything except rainbows and butterflies and I can’t keep living in this pretty little world. It’s making me crazy.” When I hear how hysterical I’m becoming, I stop. Paxton’s quiet. I know he’s trying hard to hold back the words that are blowing up his mouth. “Just say it, Paxton.”
    “I told you so,” he half says, half laughs. “You don’t belong with that guy, Jess. I mean, I know you think the long, wavy hair is sexy and you love the big, blue eyes. And damn, he worked on that tan all summer. And those rugby shirts he wears are hard to resist. But Jess, he’s a pussy. You’re too much for him. You’ve been running his ass over for a year and he just lays down and takes all of your shit which, contrary to popular belief, is not a good thing. You need a fighter. You need someone who’s going to stand up to you.”
    “I need no one is what I need. I need to be myself again. Myself. Not someone’s girlfriend. Not anyone’s anything. I’m not cut out for this shit. It’s suffocating. Why do people do this? I mean, why does everyone couple off and think they’re not complete until they find their ‘other half’? There is no other half. We are not missing half of ourselves. It’s so stupid and I can’t believe I got caught up in this bullshit system.”
    “That’s my girl,” Paxton says. “I missed her.”
    “She’s a treat,” I say, taking a seat on the grass; feeling exhausted by the mess I’ve got myself into.
    “So what’s the problem? Break up with him.”
    I take a deep breath and try to form rational thoughts. “He followed me here. He gave up his plans and followed me here.”
    “You didn’t ask him to do