Paper Chasers Read Free

into another world. I heard people saying a bunch of that funeral mumbo jumbo such as, “Hi, how are you doing? How are you coping with it?” I would answer them, but my glossy eyes never made contact with the person to whom I was speaking. It was as if I was ignoring them.
    My girl, Sabine, who was very emotional herself, stood next to me and escorted me to my seat. Elizabeth was already sitting down. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Elizabeth. I sensed she was also crying. There was just no way that I was gonna look at her.
    I took my seat next to Sabine and Elizabeth. Randy, Tee, and Kwame also came and sat in the same pew as me. My body was getting numb. I was totally out of it. Someone was preparing to deliver the eulogy. I heard the speaker, but I really wasn’t paying attention. And I wasn’t even being a gentleman. I mean there was my girl, sitting there crying, and I didn’t even put my arm around her or help wipe away her tears.
    Time was moving so slowly.
    Then came the time for all of those who wanted to look at Richie’s body one last time to do so. Almost everybody got up and formed a line. One by one, people walked past his coffin. The coffin was money green—Richie’s favorite color. Elizabeth couldn’t get herself to walk past the casket. She said it was just too much for her to handle.
    Others stopped and stared at Richie’s lifeless body. Some shook their heads in disbelief while others kissed and touched his lifeless body. This, by far, was the gloomiest part of the funeral. It was marked by observers who just couldn’t bear the grief and had to be restrained and led away from the casket.
    All of Fourth Crew walked past Richie and said good-bye to him. I stopped at his coffin and stared at his body. I felt him looking at me. Although music was playing, I no longer heard it. My world was in total silence as I looked into his coffin.
    Without blinking, I stared at him. Then I reached out and touched his hand. It felt somewhat cold and hard. I knew he could feel my hand. I kept my hand on his, then I started to break down. Ah man . . . Ah man, ah man , I thought. I had never cried at a funeral before. I’d never even cried in front of my girl. Sabine was right behind me and she just stared at me, but she didn’t say a word.
    â€œI’m sorry, Richie,” I said very quietly as I cried. “Are you still my man? We still boys, right?” Why wouldn’t he answer? When was he gonna answer me? I waited for as long as I could for an answer but I never got one, so I prepared myself to leave the coffin. Before I left, I kissed Richie on his forehead. “Richie, I love you, man,” I said. “I’ll see you, kid. I’ma see you.”
    Then I walked back to my seat. Sabine held my hand and followed behind me as we made our way back to our seats and sat back down. I was still crying. Sabine hugged me.
    â€œIt’s gonna be OK, honey. He’s going to a better place. He’s with God right now. It’ll be all right,” Sabine said. Then she wiped my tears away.
    I was beginning to come back to reality a little bit, but not totally. We sat for a little while longer, and before long people were going to the microphone and speaking about the good times that they had spent with Richie.
    After the last person spoke, someone sang “Amazing Grace” and “I’ll Fly Away,” and then people started slowly filing out of the church.
    Everyone piled into their cars. Relatives and close friends got into limousines. Fourth Crew had two limos parked in front of the church, waiting to take us to a cemetery out on Long Island.
    The ride to the cemetery wasn’t too long. But when we arrived at the cemetery, I just couldn’t get out of the limo.
    While everyone else went to go see Richie lowered into the ground, Sabine and I stayed inside the limo. I was just about fully back from the shock that I had slipped