Outrageously Alice Read Free Page B

house.
    “Nathan’s howling up in his crib, and the whole place smells like diapers. It’s depressing,” she said. “You know, Alice, we don’t really have to have children when we’re grown. I mean, women can live full and complete lives even if they don’t have babies, can’t they?”
    “I suppose,” I said. “There’s so much out there we don’t know anything about, Elizabeth.”
    I guess she was already feeling shaky, and that remark didn’t help. “Like what?” she asked warily.
    “Paste-on bra cups, for one.”
    “What?”
    “You glue them to the underside of your breasts to keep them upright if you want to wear a backless dress.”
    “How do you get them off?”
    “Pull, I guess.”
    “Oh, that’s so gross!”
    “And then, of course, there’s a chastity belt.…”
    “What?” she cried.
    “It’s made of metal, and your husband locks it on you with a key when he goes on a trip to make sure you’re faithful.” I don’t know why I do that to Elizabeth.
    “ What?” she screeched.
    “Never mind,” I said. “I’ll explain it to you sometime when you’re feeling strong. But remember, we don’t have to get married, either.”

3
JUNGLE FEVER
    ON THE NIGHT OF THE SHOWER FOR CRYSTAL , Aunt Sally called to make sure I wore a dress, which is why I ripped one pair of panty hose, put another pair on three times before I got them right, ironed a rayon dress that was handed down from my cousin Carol, and wore a string of pearls (fake, of course) that used to be my mom’s, because Aunt Sally said you could never go wrong with pearls. Then, at a quarter of seven, Lester drove me to Betsy Hall’s.
    “Les,” I asked as I sat with my legs crossed, hands over the purse in my lap, “how do you really feel about Crystal getting married?”
    “Well, I think it was pretty sudden, and I just hope sheknows what she’s doing,” he said. “I mean, one minute she was dating me, and the next she’s marrying Peter.”
    “One minute?” I said. “Lester, sometimes two or three months went by and you’d hardly even call her.”
    “Hey, she can dial my number as easily as I can dial hers,” he said.
    “She did! A lot! But you were usually out with Marilyn.”
    He shrugged. “Well, that’s the way the ball bounces.”
    I was feeling pretty grown-up and excited as I went up the steps and rang the bell. As soon as I walked inside, though, I knew I’d dressed all wrong, because every woman there was in jeans. They were good jeans, of course, designer jeans, with a nice shirt or sweater, but I looked as out of place in my rayon dress and pearls as a cream puff on a plate of bagels. Not only that, but I was definitely the youngest person present, and they all looked at me in surprise. All but Crystal.
    “Alice!” she said. “I’m so glad you could come.”
    “This is Alice McKinley,” Betsy told the others. “She’s paired with Peter’s younger brother in the wedding party.”
    Just a kid , in other words. I wished she hadn’t felt she had to explain me, but the women all seemed friendly. I took a chair beside the couch and tried to scoot it back as far as I could, to be invisible.
    Everyone was drinking coffee, but Betsy got a Coke for me. I was watching a pretty woman with a clipboard on her lap and a large sample case beside her chair that read FANTASY CREATIONS .
    “Welcome, everybody!” she said. “I’m Joan, and the only rule tonight is to remember that you’re here to have fun. I am going to help you make your wildest fantasies come true.”
    Everybody laughed.
    “Not mine!” said someone, and we laughed some more.
    “Okay, some of your fantasies, anyway,” Joan said. “First, I want to thank Betsy for throwing this party and including my company, Fantasy Creations, and I know you all will join me in giving Crystal our best wishes for her marriage.”
    Everybody clapped and smiled.
    “As you probably know, this is a different kind of shower, in which Crystal will select, and