Our Souls at Night Read Free Page B

decided to retire and so we borrowed money and moved here and Carl took over his insurance office and his clients. And we’ve been here ever since. That was in 1970.
    How was it that you got pregnant?
    What do you mean? How does anybody get pregnant?
    Well, my memory is we were all pretty careful and nervous back then.
    But we were young too. Carl and I were in love. It’s the old story. It was all new and exciting.
    It must have been.
    She let go of his hand and moved farther away and lay straight in bed. He turned and looked at her in the dim light.
    Why are you acting like this? she said. What’s the matter?
    I don’t know.
    Are you asking about the circumstances?
    I guess.
    About the sex?
    I’m being more stupid than usual. I just feel sort of jealous and I don’t know what.
    Out in the country on a dirt road in the back seat in the dark. Is that what you want to know?
    I’d appreciate it if you would just call me a goddamn son of a bitch, Louis said. A man too foolish for words.
    All right. You’re a foolish son of a bitch.
    Thank you, he said.
    You’re welcome. But you could ruin this. You know that. Is there anything else?
    Did your parents ever get over it?
    It turned out they actually liked Carl. My mother always thought of him as a dark-haired good-looking man. And my father could see that Carl was a hard worker and that he would take care of us. And of course he did. We had some hard times. But mostly as far as being financially comfortable after the first seven or eight years we were fine. Carl was a good provider.
    Then sometime in there you had a little boy to go with the girl.
    Gene. Connie was six then.

9
    Addie drove her car into the alley behind her neighbor Ruth’s house, got out and went up to the back door. The old lady was waiting, sitting in a chair on the porch. She was eighty-two years old. She stood up when Addie arrived and the two women came slowly down the steps, Ruth holding on to Addie’s arm, and came out to the car and Addie helped her in and waited for her to arrange her thin legs and feet and then she fastened the seatbelt and shut the door. They drove to the grocery store on the highway at the southeast side of town. There were only a few cars in the parking lot, a slow summer’s midmorning. They went in and Ruth held on to the shopping cart and they moved slowly through the aisles, looking, taking their time. She didn’t want or need much, just cans or cartons of food, and a loaf of bread and a bag of little Hershey bars in foil. Aren’t you going to get anything? she said.
    No, Addie said. I shopped the other day. I’ll just get some milk.
    I shouldn’t eat this chocolate but what difference does it make now. I’m going to eat whatever I want to.
    She put canned soup and stew in her cart and boxes of frozen dinners and a couple of boxes of dry cereal and a quart of milk and some strawberry preserves.
    Is that everything?
    I believe so.
    Don’t you want some fruit?
    I don’t want fresh fruit. It’ll just spoil. They went around to the canned fruit and she took down two cans of peaches in their sweet syrup and some canned pears, then a box of oatmeal cookies with raisins. At the cash register the clerk looked at the old lady and said, Did you find everything, Mrs. Joyce? Everything you wanted?
    I didn’t find me a good man. I didn’t see one of them on the shelf. No, I couldn’t find any good man back there.
    Couldn’t you? Well, sometimes they’re closer to home than you think. She glanced quickly at Addie standing next to the old lady.
    How much is it? Ruth said.
    The clerk told her.
    Your blouse has a spot on it, Ruth said. It’s not clean. You shouldn’t come to work dressed like that.
    The clerk looked down. I don’t see anything.
    It’s there.
    She took her money from her old soft leather purse and slowly counted out the money in her hand and laid the bills and coins on the counter in neat order.
    Then they went out to the car and Addie put the groceries