One In A Billion Read Free Page A

a puffy morning face on that made him look like he was made of flaky pastry.
    ' Call me', Marth shouted, as I hurried along the hallway.
    I found the stairs, found myself in the kitchen and then finally made my way back out to the street through the front door. Marth's mum was no longer plastered across her chair, but there was evidence of her occupation all over the floor.
    Out on the street, I had no idea where I was. I wasn't even sure if I was still in London. I hadn't lied to Marth, I did actually have to meet my parents today, and I knew without even knowing what the time was, that I'd be late again.
    It took an hour and a half to get back home. I walked for fifteen minutes before I found anyone I could ask for directions, and then another fifteen minutes to the tube station. On the tube I accidentally sat next to a man who smelt of wee, and couldn't change places for three more stops because the carriage was full.
    At home, Sophia was sat in the living room with her feet in a cold bucket of water, getting tattooed.
    ' Here she comes, the dirty stop out', Sophia said when she saw me.
    ' Sophia, what the hell are you doing?' I said, and got as close to her as I dared. 'Is that hygienic?'
    I prodded her arm. It already looked a bit swollen.
    ' Probably', Sophia said, with a grin on her face. 'We washed the needle with hot, soapy water.'
    Sophia was my American flatmate, and she was balls to the wall crazy. I liked her a lot. This was exactly the kind of thing I expected her to be doing on a Sunday morning. She sipped her beer.
    ' This is Tad', she said.
    ' What up?' Tad said.
    ' Hey', I said. Tad and I looked like we'd grown up on other sides of the socio-economic spectrum. I couldn't work out what it was he was tattooing on her, aside from a mess of black squiggly lines decorated by dots of leaking blood.
    ' So, successful night?' Sophia said, smiling.
    ' The guy was a douche', I said.
    ' All guys are douches', Sophia said. 'You know that already.'
    ' Yeah but this guy was-', I said. 'I don't know. I was expecting something else.'
    ' What were his redeeming qualities?' Sophia said.
    ' He didn't try and kill me', I said, clutching desperately at something worthwhile to report.
    ' You look sad', Sophia said. 'Do you want a tattoo to cheer yourself up? Tad's got the machine until five if you want him to, you know, permanently mark your skin forever and ever.'
    ' I think I'll pass', I said.
    ' The right one will come along after a while', Sophia said. 'You've just got to wait and not worry about it too much.'
    ' I don't know', I said. 'I guess.'
    ' And stop sleeping with the bad ones just because you feel guilty about saying no to them. You'll feel a lot better about yourself if you do that.'
    ' I know', I said. 'I'm trying.'
    ' I've got some single friends if you want me to hook you up', Tad said. 'You're a good looking girl, I know people who'd kill to get alongside you, if you know what I mean.'
    Tad wiped away some of the excess ink from Sophia's arm with one of our kitchen tea-towels.
    ' Oh that's sweet Tad, thank you', I said, 'but I might take Sophia's advice and take myself out of the game for a while.'
    ' Whatever you want', Tad said.
    ' Can I ask', I said. 'What is it meant to be?'
    ' It's abstract', Tad said. 'It's a representation of where Sophia is in her life right now. It sort of symbolises the love we have for each other.'
    I'd never met Tad before. Last week Sophia was with a tightrope walker called Victor, and the week before that, Sergio was a permanent resident on our couch, while Sophia went through her Mediterranean phase. I'm not even joking. Sophia changes her men about as often as everyone else changes their socks.
    ' Do you like it?' Tad said.
    ' Yeah', I lied, badly. 'kind of. It's different I suppose. Unique. I mean, I've definitely never seen one like it before.'
    ' The General called', Sophia said, changing the subject to save me. It was what she called my dad because he had a thick moustache