On Earth as It Is in Heaven Read Free Page A

a parking space in the summer? It’s the heat.”
    â€œDoes that worry you?”
    â€œNot in the slightest, light of my life, nothing can happen to me, I don’t even have a driver’s license.”
    Uncle Umbertino was already waiting out front.
    He was bouncing on his toes.
    â€œYou’re late, I’ve already been standing here for a hell of a long time, two minutes at the very least.”
    â€œWe were all smacking the fool out of Gerruso.”
    â€œWho’s Gerruso?”
    â€œJust a kid.”
    â€œYou rough him up good, so he felt it?”
    â€œYes.”
    â€œGood, there’s always some good reason to beat the fool out of a body. But listen, there’s been all kinda uproar in this neighborhood: engines roaring and screeching tires, more’n I’m used to.”
    â€œWhat does it mean?”
    â€œHow the fuck do I know, I’m no mechanic.”
    â€œIsn’t Mamma home yet?”
    â€œDo you think for one second that if your mother was upstairs, I’d be waiting here in the middle of the street in all this heat?”
    â€œBut don’t you have your own keys to our apartment?”
    â€œYes.”
    â€œSo why didn’t you use them?”
    â€œFor two reasons. First of all, I wanted to make sure you had your keys, like you oughtta.”
    â€œHere they are.”
    â€œMake sure you don’t lose them.”
    â€œWhat’s the second reason?”
    â€œI left the keys to your house at my house, absurd, ain’t it? Now, let’s go to the barbershop.”
    â€œBut I don’t want to get my hair cut, Mamma cuts my hair for me.”
    â€œDavidù, what the hell do I care about your hair, you’ll come to the barbershop with me because I’m asking you, nice and polite, to come with me. Now get moving, because I’m already sick and tired of waiting.”
    There was a sign in red paint on the front of the barbershop.
    TONY: SHAVE and HAIRCUT
    Inside, sitting in the revolving chair, was an old man, his face coated in white foam. Standing next to him, straight razor in hand, was the barber, Tony.
    â€œIs there much of a wait?” my uncle asked.
    â€œThis shave, haircut for the gentleman, then you.”
    â€œDo you have a horse-racing sheet?”
    â€œWhat do you think? Would it be a barbershop without it? Right over there.”
    Umbertino took a seat, began reading intently about the ponies. I sat down next to him, on a red chair that creaked all over. In the stack of newspapers, a glossy magazine. On the cover, it said ADULTS ONLY. The pages were wrinkled and torn.
    â€œSo you’re telling the truth, Tony?” the old man asked the barber. It seemed as if the foam was talking.
    Every movement of Tony’s body spoke eloquently of his sincere concern.
    â€œI swear it’s true, he was a certified genuine faggot.”
    â€œBut didn’t you notice at first that he was queer?”
    â€œNow to look at him, he looked normal, an upstanding citizen, I even talked to him about the game, you understand? We talked ’bout soccer together, that’s what I’m telling you.”
    â€œRidiculous.”
    â€œExactly.”
    The customer whose turn came before ours was sitting to my left. He had curly hair and a bristly mustache. He felt called upon to break into the conversation at this point in the story.
    â€œBut Tony, are you sure he didn’t infect you?”
    â€œRight! That’s exactly the problem. This momosexuality is one hell of a disease.”
    â€œThe worst thing there is,” the customer with the mustache agreed.
    â€œNo laughing matter, that’s for sure,” the barber reiterated.
    Finally Umbertino’s voice. He spoke without lowering the racing sheet.
    â€œI hear that them as get infected wind up taking it straight up the ass.”
    The whole shop burst into laughter.
    â€œShit, I done picked the wrong trifecta yesterday, oh well,