struggled for words. Something that meant no but wasn't judgmental. “Don't scare the horses like that. Both of you get dressed and meet us up at the house.” He left, crossing the dirt yard with long, quick steps and Rebecca trailed after him, her growing belly making her steps slow.
***
When Jesse and Derek arrived at the house, Mike was beyond words, pacing the length of the kitchen angrily. Rebecca sat in a chair, head in her hands, and only heaved a sigh to acknowledge they’d entered the room. Finally Mike asked, “How long has this been going on?”
Derek bit his lower lip and glanced at Jesse. “Not long enough.”
Mike launched out of his chair. “Is this a game to you? Is he a game? How could you?”
Derek stood his ground. “He could do worse. Hell, he has done worse.”
Jesse wished the floor would open up and swallow his. He may have long nurtured a crush on Derek, but it wouldn’t have been possible if he hadn’t been around so long. He knew too much. Once, when Jesse was seventeen, he’d talked Derek into driving him to a party at the college two hours away. He'd tried to frame it as practice for college. Really it was a chance to be himself, but Jesse hadn't been able to really let down his guard. Derek had hung around instead of just dropping Jesse off, pretending to casually drink beers with the students while regaling them with tales of the rodeo, and watched like a hawk, distant and waiting to swoop in. Jesse remembered a boy with green eyes talking him into drinking something fruity straight from a blender and then there had been shots of tequila, but he didn't remember much else. He woke up in a hotel room with Derek holding a trashcan for him. Derek had never told his parents.
“This is unforgivable,” his mother said. “You’re like family to us, Derek. People just don’t DO this.”
Jesse felt himself start to tremble. He’d betrayed his parents. Not just disappointed them or failed to live up to their expectations, but he’d crossed a line. They’d never look at him the same way again. Tears welled up in his eyes and he fought to keep them from falling as his throat constricted. He felt the first one slide hotly down his face and tried to wipe it away before anyone noticed, but Derek’s arm slid around him and pulled him hard against his chest.
“He’s upset. You’re the one who’s gone too far.” Derek ran a protective hand through Jesse’s hair and turned to Mike. “Why don’t you two take a walk and cool off.”
“Why don’t you get the hell out of my house?” Mike countered.
“I’m not leaving while he’s crying.”
The silence was broken only by Jesse’s muffled sobs. He burrowed into the soft cotton of Derek’s shirt, trying to force himself to stop or to at least hide the sound, but the soaring release he’d felt less than an hour ago as he’d finally grabbed his fantasy with both hands had become a crushing burden. There was a reason he’d never gone after Derek. The consequences had always stopped him, and now that he was facing them they were worse than he’d imagined.
Derek cradled him in his arms, shielding his from his parents’ judgment with his own body, and said, “We’ll make dinner. Just give us some time. He needs a minute.”
Mike said coldly, “I can’t forgive you for this, Derek. He's just a boy.”
Rebecca pushed herself out of his chair and took her husband’s hand. “I don’t know that you’ve got that all right. I’ll talk to him later. Right
***
When Jesse and Derek arrived at the house, Mike was beyond words, pacing the length of the kitchen angrily. Rebecca sat in a chair, head in her hands, and only heaved a sigh to acknowledge they’d entered the room. Finally Mike asked, “How long has this been going on?”
Derek bit his lower lip and glanced at Jesse. “Not long enough.”
Mike launched out of his chair. “Is this a game to you? Is he a game? How could you?”
Derek stood his ground. “He could do worse. Hell, he has done worse.”
Jesse wished the floor would open up and swallow his. He may have long nurtured a crush on Derek, but it wouldn’t have been possible if he hadn’t been around so long. He knew too much. Once, when Jesse was seventeen, he’d talked Derek into driving him to a party at the college two hours away. He'd tried to frame it as practice for college. Really it was a chance to be himself, but Jesse hadn't been able to really let down his guard. Derek had hung around instead of just dropping Jesse off, pretending to casually drink beers with the students while regaling them with tales of the rodeo, and watched like a hawk, distant and waiting to swoop in. Jesse remembered a boy with green eyes talking him into drinking something fruity straight from a blender and then there had been shots of tequila, but he didn't remember much else. He woke up in a hotel room with Derek holding a trashcan for him. Derek had never told his parents.
“This is unforgivable,” his mother said. “You’re like family to us, Derek. People just don’t DO this.”
Jesse felt himself start to tremble. He’d betrayed his parents. Not just disappointed them or failed to live up to their expectations, but he’d crossed a line. They’d never look at him the same way again. Tears welled up in his eyes and he fought to keep them from falling as his throat constricted. He felt the first one slide hotly down his face and tried to wipe it away before anyone noticed, but Derek’s arm slid around him and pulled him hard against his chest.
“He’s upset. You’re the one who’s gone too far.” Derek ran a protective hand through Jesse’s hair and turned to Mike. “Why don’t you two take a walk and cool off.”
“Why don’t you get the hell out of my house?” Mike countered.
“I’m not leaving while he’s crying.”
The silence was broken only by Jesse’s muffled sobs. He burrowed into the soft cotton of Derek’s shirt, trying to force himself to stop or to at least hide the sound, but the soaring release he’d felt less than an hour ago as he’d finally grabbed his fantasy with both hands had become a crushing burden. There was a reason he’d never gone after Derek. The consequences had always stopped him, and now that he was facing them they were worse than he’d imagined.
Derek cradled him in his arms, shielding his from his parents’ judgment with his own body, and said, “We’ll make dinner. Just give us some time. He needs a minute.”
Mike said coldly, “I can’t forgive you for this, Derek. He's just a boy.”
Rebecca pushed herself out of his chair and took her husband’s hand. “I don’t know that you’ve got that all right. I’ll talk to him later. Right
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