Officer Spence Makes No Sense Read Free Page B

Spence said. “You think that makes it right? Get in the cell, Macky!”
    “But—”
    “You said it AGAIN!” Officer Spence yelled as he pushed Mr. Macky into the jail cell. “And you call yourself a reading specialist? How do you sleep at night? You disgust me!”
    “I didn’t DO anything!” Mr. Macky shouted. “I’m an innocent man!”
    “You have the right to remain silent,” said Officer Spence. “So shut up!”
    “No! Let me ouuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttt !”

8
Mrs. Cooney Is Busted
    What a weird day it was! Officer Spence was arresting grown-ups left and right!
    After reading, we had to go to the nurse’s room for health. Our school nurse is Mrs. Cooney. She has eyes that look like cotton candy, and she is beautiful. She wanted to marry me a while back, butI told her I wouldn’t marry her because she’s already married to some guy named Mr. Cooney.
    Mrs. Cooney was teaching us about Hi Jean. *
    “You should wash your hands every time you use the bathroom,” she told us. “That will prevent the spread of germs that make us—”
    She didn’t have the chance to finish her sentence, because that’s when Officer Spence burst into the room.
    “Freeze, dirtbag!” he yelled.
    “What’s the meaning of this?” askedMrs. Cooney, putting her hands up. “I didn’t do anything.”

    “I want you to open that cabinet over the sink slowly,” Officer Spence ordered.“And then back away. No false moves, Cooney!”
    Mrs. Cooney went and opened the cabinet over the sink. There were some bandages in there and some bottles of aspirin.
    “Aha!” Officer Spence hollered. “Aspirin! Can you get that stuff in a drugstore?”
    “Well, yes, of course,” Mrs. Cooney said.
    “Just as I suspected!” Officer Spence shouted. “You’re a drug dealer!”
    “WHAT?!”
    “You’re handing out drugs to innocent children!” Officer Spence yelled as he wheeled in a portable jail cell. “You shouldbe ashamed of yourself. How do you sleep at night?”
    “I take NyQuil,” Mrs. Cooney said.
    “Get in the cell, Cooney, and nobody gets hurt!”
    “But I didn’t—”
    “You have the right to remain silent,” yelled Officer Spence. “So shut up!”
    “No! Help! Let me goooooooooooooooo !”
    “Are you going to do a full-scale investigation?” I asked. “There’s the scale.”
    “Quiet, you!” said Officer Spence.
    He told us to be on our best behavior while he wheeled Mrs. Cooney’s jail cell over to where the other arrestedgrown-ups were. So as soon as he left the room, me and Michael and Ryan got up and shook our butts at the class. Most of the kids laughed. Except for Little Miss I-Never-Do-Anything-Wrong.
    “You know, you shouldn’t be joking around, Arlo,” Andrea said. “This whole thing is your fault.”
    “My fault?” I said. “What did I do?”
    “If you had checked your lunch box before coming to school, you would have noticed that your sandwich was missing,” said Andrea. “Then none of this would have happened.”
    I hate Andrea.
    We were all sitting there in the nurse’soffice without any grown-ups. I looked at Michael. Michael looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at Andrea. Andrea looked at Emily. Emily looked at Neil the nude kid. We were all looking at each other.
    “Maybe Officer Spence isn’t a real security guard,” I said. “Did you ever think of that?”
    “Yeah,” Michael said, “maybe he kidnapped our real security guard and has him locked up in a cage. Just like he’s locking up all the teachers. Stuff like that happens all the time, you know.”
    “Stop trying to scare Emily,” said Andrea.
    Emily looked like she was going to cry. As usual.
    “Officer Spence is crazy!” Ryan said. “There’s no telling what he’ll do next.”
    “He might put us all in jail!” said Neil the nude kid.
    “We’ve got to do something!” Emily said, and then she went running out of the room.
    Well, at least we got rid of her. She is such a crybaby.
    “Emily was right,” said Neil.