Officer Spence Makes No Sense Read Free

if you have all the chairs you need?” asked Michael.
    “I said that’s ENOUGH!” yelled Officer Spence. “Oh, by the way, Andrea, Arlo Jervis here is in love with you.”
    “Ooooooooooooooo,” everybody said.
    “Is that true, Arlo?” asked Andrea, all smiley. “I always thought you secretly liked me.”
    “I don’t!” I shouted.
    BEEP!
    “It is true!” Andrea said.
    “It is not!” I yelled.
    BEEP!
    “Oooooh!” Ryan said. “A.J. and Andrea are in love !”
    “When are you gonna get married?” asked Michael.
    “Never!” I yelled.
    BEEP!
    If those guys weren’t my best friends, I would hate them.
    “You kids are no help at all,” Officer Spence shouted. “Get out of here! Go back to class. I’ll find the peanut butter and jelly bandit by myself.”
    I’ll tell you, Officer Spence makes no sense.

5
Nah-Nah-Nah Boo-Boo
    Y’know how your teacher says you have to read a chapter in a book before you can have fun? And you really don’t want to? Well, read this chapter. Then go have fun! And tell your teacher nah-nah-nah boo-boo!

6
Searching for Clues
    When I got back to class, Mrs. Patty, our school secretary, made an announcement over the loudspeaker.
    “Attention, all teachers and students,” Mrs. Patty said. “This will be a perfectly normal day at Ella Mentry School. Continue with your lessons as scheduled.Principal Spence is now in charge.”
    “PRINCIPAL SPENCE?!” we all said.
    “He’s taking over the school,” whispered Ryan, who was sitting next to me. “He’s crazy!”
    Our teacher, Mr. Granite, had been talking about protecting the environment, as usual. Mr. Granite is an alien. No, really, I mean it! Mr. Granite is from another planet. It’s called Etinarg, which is “granite” spelled backward.
    “Here’s a little trick to save water,” said Mr. Granite. “Put an empty bucket on the floor of your shower. While you wait for the water to warm up, the bucket will catch some of the cold water. Then youcan use it to water your plants.”
    Mr. Granite is always giving us tips to save energy. But that’s when something weird happened. A head appeared in the doorway. It was Officer Spence’s head. He was crawling around on the ground, and he was looking through a magnifying glass.
    “Uh, what are you doing, Officer Spence?” asked Mr. Granite.
    “Searching for clues,” Officer Spence replied. “I’m trying to nab the peanut butter and jelly bandit.”
    “But you already said the peanut butter and jelly bandit was Mr. Klutz,” said Michael.
    “Klutz is just one suspect,” OfficerSpence said. “This could be a conspiracy.”
    I never heard that word before.
    “A conspiracy?” I asked. “What’s that?”
    “A conspiracy is a secret agreement between two or more people to break the law,” said Andrea, all proud of herself.
    “Could you possibly be more boring?” I asked Andrea.
    Little Miss I-Know-Everything keeps a dictionary on her desk to look up words. That way she can show everybody how smart she is.
    “Aha!” Officer Spence suddenly shouted. “I found a clue!”
    “What is it?” Emily asked. “What did you find?”

    “A hair,” said Officer Spence.
    “So?” we all asked.
    “This is proof that the peanut butter and jelly bandit has hair,” Officer Spence announced.
    “Well, Mr. Klutz doesn’t have any hair at all,” Mr. Granite told him. “So he must be innocent, right?”
    “Yes, but you’ve got hair, don’t you?” Officer Spence said, looking at Mr. Granite.
    “Well, yes, but I didn’t steal—”
    Mr. Granite didn’t have the chance to finish his sentence, because at that moment Officer Spence jumped up and pointed his finger at him like it was a gun.
    “Freeze, dirtbag! You’re under arrest!”
    “That’s not even a gun,” said Mr. Granite.
    “Maybe I have a gun hidden inside my finger,” said Officer Spence. “Hands up!”
    “What did I do?” Mr. Granite said, putting his hands up. “I don’t even have a peanut butter