Nocturnal Read Free Page B

hour.
    “Why would I do that? Don't you want her?”
    “Yes.” I hear the words, but they have lost meaning. 
    “Then have her.” With that I'm released. Of course I fall to the ground coughing and sputtering like an old car engine. A wheezy sound accompanies my attempt at breathing. I'd love to make my escape, but it's all I can do to get air back into my body. I'll try for the escaping in a second.
    “Not tonight.”
    “Then I will.” A shadow covers me. Should have gone for that escape. A few drops of rain fall on me. It's really the least of my worries, but I kinda hate getting wet. 
    “Please,” I say. I sound like a life-time smoker. I cough again, looking up. There are two faces above me. I search for any kind of sympathy. I don't understand why they're hurting me and what they're talking about. All I know, and I feel it with every cell of my body, is that if I don't do something, they're going to kill me. It's one of those feelings, like when you leave the house and you think as you get in the car that you should have brought your raincoat, and then it downpours a few minutes later. Only multiplied so much it crawls across my skin like fire ants.
    “You have ten seconds to make a decision.” I'm assuming that's the guy who strangled me. The moonlight bleaches his hair. Frantic, I reach out with my eyes, trying to pluck a string of humanity in one of them. Just let me go. The other one has dark shaggy hair that hangs in dirty strands in front of his eyes that almost glow in the weak light. He's not as strong-looking as the other. I might have been able to take him. His eyes reach into mine. He doesn't even blink. And I can't look away, even when I try. He snags me with his eyes, and doesn't let me go for several seconds. I hope it's enough.
    “Time's up.” There's a pain at my neck, and I finally black out.
    ***
    Every year on the same day I came. To end my existence, the way it should have been. My box was here in the mausoleum, empty. They never found my body because there wasn't one to find. I traced the letters of my name with one of my fingers. Over and over. The death I wished for. Would have had if it were not for her. She didn't ask my permission, but I would have given it. I didn't want to die. I would have done anything to stop myself from facing that. Even if it meant this. But I could not have imagined what eternity would mean. I am still learning. I also did not know what promises meant. How they can bind and break you.
    I talked to them, allowed myself to think of them on this one day a year. I wanted to believe in ghosts. To see their pearly forms drifting around me, enveloping me. Whispering the things they'd forgotten to tell me. I miss you. Don't forget me. 
    Don't worry, I didn't forget you. I can't. 
    I wanted to be alone, but it was not to be. Ivan found me. He always does. Those first few years it was both of them, but I have failed so many times, she no longer thinks of it as a threat. If I hadn't done it by now, it cannot be done. As usual, he mocked me. He never tired of that even after so many years.
    But there was something new. The girl. We both sensed her at the same time. Young, fresh. A pounding heart that crashed through the night like a drum. Made it hard to think for a moment. I have not fed in weeks in preparation for this night. Ivan wanted her, that much I knew. 
    He grabbed her. 
    She struggled. I didn't want to watch. The only end I wanted tonight was mine. My own promise. He played with her, and I couldn't stand it any longer. I used to be the same, but it has been many years since I had toyed like that. Which does not mean I do not like a hunt. I do. But not on this night.
    He threw her down on the ground. Her face turned up, bathed in the moonlight.
    She stared at me and didn't look away. I was not used to being looked at. Seeing her made me remember bits and pieces of my life. Flashes. Bits of torn up pictures. 
    A laugh. 
    A walk on the beach. Holding my