No Other Story Read Free Page B

seven years, England would wage war with the American colonists, a group of patriots lured to combat by the promise of freedom and triangular hats.
    They engaged in many fierce battles, including the one at Bunker Hill, where Colonel William Prescott is said to have ordered, “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes.” The crafty redcoats handed the patriots a sound defeat by coming in squinting.
    Eventually, as we all know, the Americans would emerge victorious, in part because they did not have to worry about Romans, Huns, Vikings, dinosaurs, Vikings riding ondinosaurs, or dinosaurs riding on Vikings. They did not have to worry because, at that time, none of those things existed. It is a scientific fact that humans did not live in the time of dinosaurs, and it’s a good thing, because dinosaur names are so long that, by the time one human warned another that one of these creatures was sneaking up behind him, that person would be what dinosaurs commonly referred to as a
tasty snack treat
.

    â€œLook out, Stig [very common caveman name]! There’s a Pachycephalosaurus right behind … uh, never mind.”
    Therefore, if you ever find yourself face-to-face with a dinosaur while at the same time hanging out with American colonial soldiers and Vikings, there’s a very good chance that you might have been bumped off the Time Arc, landing in a place known to the scientific community as Some Times, where day and night, January and August, the Dark Ages and the Age of Enlightenment can all be happening at once.
    If you suspect that this may be the case, I advise you to return to your time machine immediately and get the heck out of there. Otherwise you may find yourself watching Fourth of July fireworks on Christmas morning, which, if you ask me, would be just plain not funny.

Chapter 2
    The great Albert Einstein once said, “I’ll give ten dollars to anyone who refers to me as great.”
Cha-ching!
He also said some other stuff, such as, “The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”
    In that awful, mysterious, and awfully mysterious place known as Some Times, that’s exactly what’s happening. Everything. At once.
    â€œMy LVR-ZX,” muttered Professor Boxley with despair, his mustache quivering. “It’s been completely destroyed.”
    For a person willing to take the risk of traveling along the highly unpredictable Time Arc, the professor was, to put it politely, a bit of a timid sort, and to put it impolitely, a coward. His knees buckled slightly, and he latched on to Teddy’s shoulder to steady himself.
    â€œAre you okay, Professor?” asked Chip.
    â€œI think I peed my pants a little,” said the professor sheepishly, although it should be noted that sheep rarely wet their pants, because they are generally not great believers in the wearing of trousers. Teddy said nothing, butcasually stepped away from the professor, leaving the old man with his dampened pants to stand on his own.
    â€œI don’t understand,” said Penny. “What’s going on?”
    â€œSome Times,” said Mr. Cheeseman, with a dispassionate stare. “Up until now it was regarded as only a theory. But I’d say we now have definite proof of its existence.”
    â€œSo then …” Penny began to say what everyone was thinking but none of them wanted to hear. “We didn’t make it back after all.”
    Ethan’s neck bowed under the weight of his head, heavy with sadness and with the guilt of knowing he had failed his children once again. “No,” he concurred. “We didn’t make it back. But we will. Somehow.”
    â€œOkay, let me get this straight,” said Chip. “Are you saying we discovered Some Times?”
    â€œIt would appear so,” said Ethan.
    â€œThis is huge,” he said with enthusiasm, trying to get the rest of the group to look on the bright