No Other Story Read Free Page A

just as the commanding officer was about to yell “Dance!”—wait, sorry. Just as he was about to yell “Fire!” a savage roar split the air. The once-fearless Vikingsstopped in their tracks. The horses flared their nostrils and reared up, nearly throwing their riders to the ground. Pinky growled and barked.
    â€œRetreat!” yelled the commander of the minutemen.
    The Viking leader must have yelled something similar, because, just as quickly as they had appeared, the smelly-looking warriors turned and ran back the way they had come, while the soldiers took off in the opposite direction.
    â€œBetter run too,” said Cheeks. “Unless you wanna be lunch. Trust me. Those things are awfully nasty creatures.”
    The Cheesemans and the professor wanted to run, but they were awestruck to the point of paralysis by what they saw next. With another deafening roar, an enormous prehistoric beast, its teeth glistening with saliva in the sun-moon-starlight, emerged from behind the tree line.
    â€œI don’t believe it,” said the professor.
    â€œIt’s a dinosaur,” said Chip.
    â€œIt’s an ignoramus,” said Teddy.
    The dinosaur, with a brain the size of a grapefruit, may very well have been an ignoramus, but it was also a Tyrannosaurus rex. Ethan and the others watched helplessly as the enormous beast lumbered over to the LVR-ZX and gave it a good sniff.
    The humongous animal was apparently in need of a meal and, upon a second look, some serious dental work. It goes without saying this was the first T. rex that Mr. Cheeseman and the others had ever encountered in person. However, they had seen plenty of pictures in books andreconstructed specimens in museums, and this was the only one they’d seen with such a severe overbite. That’s right—this particular T. rex had buckteeth. And not just buckteeth—gnarled, snarled, misaligned, nasty-looking buckteeth that shot out in all directions. Imagine, if you will, a picket fence after a hurricane.
    Its unfortunate dental work made the dinosaur look like a dimwit, or, if you prefer, an ignoramus. But was it as stupid as it looked? The creature answered the question by kicking at the LVR-ZX, then, perhaps mistaking the egg-shaped vessel for an egg-shaped egg, opened its snaggletoothed mouth and clamped its massive jaws around the time machine’s metallic outer shell.
    â€œOh no,” whispered Penny. “Should we try to stop him?”
    â€œHow?” asked Chip. “Look at the size of him. He’s like a gas station with teeth.”
    â€œHe’s like a gas station with really
bad
teeth,” said Teddy.
    With a heart-sinking, hope-dashing crunch, the LVR-ZX collapsed under the pressure of the dopey-looking animal’s massive jaws. When this failed to bring the desired result (a dinosaur-egg omelet, one can only assume), the T. rex dropped the machine to the ground and began stomping it with its gigantic feet, until the LVR-ZX was as flat as a garbage-can lid. The battered time machine was now about as useful as a tennis racket at a banjo recital. (If you’ve ever been to a banjo recital, you know exactly what I mean; if you’ve never been to a banjo recital, consider yourself lucky.)
    Ethan stood with his mouth agape. His face had lost all color. “I was afraid of this,” he said. “It looks as though we’re in Some Times.”
    â€œYes,” agreed the professor. “And it looks as though we’re here permanently.”

Some Timely Advice
    In late June of 1776, Thomas Jefferson completed his first draft of the Declaration of Independence. He was then ordered to write a second draft when the Continental Congress found the first one to be “just plain not funny.” The much punchier second draft was adopted by Congress on July 4th, which just so happened to coincide perfectly with the young nation’s annual fireworks display. And so, for the next