Ms. Leakey Is Freaky! Read Free

eat anything, even stuffthat isn’t food. My mom packed me a peanut butter sandwich and a Twinkie.
    â€œDo you think we would really get strong if we ate more fruits and veggies?” asked Neil the nude kid.
    â€œIt would be cool to be strong like Ms. Leakey,” said Michael. “Then we could sword fight with lots of bad guys dressed like food and beat everybody at arm wrestling.”
    â€œI ate a piece of asparagus once,” I told the guys. “It was gross. I thought I was gonna die.”
    That’s when Little Miss Know-It-All at the next table turned around.
    â€œMs. Leakey is right, you know,” Andreasaid. “Eating healthy food is good for your body.”
    When Andrea turned back around, we all made faces at her.
    â€œMs. Leakey is weird,” said Ryan. “Why do you think she’s always running out of the room?”
    â€œShe needs to go exercise,” said Michael. “She’s obsessed with exercise.”
    I finished my sandwich and peeled the wrapper off my Twinkie. I don’t know if you’ve ever eaten a Twinkie, but it is the best food in the history of the world. I could eat Twinkies all day long. Well, not in the shower. That would be weird. But Twinkies are the perfect food.
    I was about to put the Twinkie in my mouth when the weirdest thing in the history of the world happened.
    â€œSTOP!” a voice shouted.
    It was Ms. Leakey! She came running full speed into the vomitorium like she was in the Olympics. She appeared out of nowhere ! She must have a Twinkie detector or something.
    â€œDROP THAT TWINKIE!” Ms. Leakey screamed as she grabbed my hand.
    The Twinkie was an inch from my mouth.
    â€œBut I’m hungry!” I complained.
    â€œDo you know what that thing is made of?” asked Ms. Leakey.
    â€œUh, golden sponge cake with creamy filling?”
    â€œNo!” she shouted. “Dextrose! Sodium acid pyrophosphate! Diglycerides! Polysorbate 60! Partially hydrogenated animal shortening! You want to put all those chemicals into your body?”
    The Twinkie was still an inch from my mouth. I looked at it. Then I looked at Ms. Leakey. Then I looked at the Twinkie again. Then I looked at Ms. Leakey again.
    â€œEat it, A.J.,” whispered Ryan. “She can’t tell you what to do.”
    â€œDon’t eat it, A.J.,” said Michael.
    â€œEat it, A.J.,” whispered Neil the nude kid.
    â€œDon’t eat it, Arlo,” said Andrea.
    I was faced with the hardest decision of my life. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know what to say. I had to think fast. I was concentrating so hard that my brain hurt.
    And then I leaned forward and took a bite of the Twinkie. Ms. Leakey grabbed my upper and lower teeth with her hands and tried to pull them apart.
    â€œSpit out the Twinkie, A.J.!” she screamed. “Stop this junk food madness!”
    â€œBut I love sodium acid pyrophosphate!” I yelled.
    I managed to swallow that bite of Twinkie, but Ms. Leakey grabbed therest of it out of my lunch box. Then she jumped up on top of our table.

    â€œDo you kids know that the averageperson eats fifty pounds of cookies and cake every year?” she shouted so everybody in the vomitorium could hear. “You eat eighteen pounds of candy! Five pounds of potato chips! A hundred pounds of sugar! No wonder today’s kids are so unhealthy!”
    Ms. Leakey jumped down from the table and grabbed one of the big garbage cans we scrape our trays into. Then she started taking Ding Dongs and Yodels and cupcakes off kids’ trays and throwing them into the garbage can.
    â€œFree yourselves from the shackles of sugar!” she shouted. “Put your junk food in here! Begin a new life for yourself! Jointhe sugar-free revolution!”
    Some of the kids actually threw their junk food into the garbage can. What is their problem?
    â€œCome, follow me, everyone!” Ms. Leakey yelled, pulling the garbage