Mother Be The Judge Read Free Page A

away.
    Jocasta walked towards the taxi rank, once more alone but she had a hot feeling in her vagina where Avram had been and it throbbed as she walked. It may not have been the way she had read it in books - rolling on a sea of hot emotion, climaxing together, transported into a world of love - but it had still happened; she was no longer a virgin, somebody loved her and that was good enough for her.
    -x-
    Avram had introduced Jocasta to a sex life where she accepted roughness as passion and friendship as foreplay. She decided the clitoris was a thing of fiction as it never did anything for her and Avram paid it no attention; he took her whenever or wherever the feeling came over him, often from behind and in silence. Jocasta was so enamoured by Avram that she acquiesced to his sexual urges, but knew sex was not something she would miss when she returned home.
    The month went by so fast and she had loved every day. As the third week ended and the fourth week began, Avram had cooled in his affections towards her. Jocasta's now dwindling pot of money prevented them from shopping and she was no longer able to bestow gifts of clothes and aftershave upon him. She had nothing more to offer Avram other than herself and she could see he had shifted his focus onto new arrivals to the restaurant, rather than on soon to be departed Jocasta.
    It hadn't mattered; it was only ever going to be her one wild moment of her life. Jocasta was pleased her holiday had brought her love, even if it was momentary; she was happy to return to her boring safe life and was looking forward to returning to her work. Jocasta wondered if the other girls who worked in the surgery would notice her glow or suspect the loss of her virginity; she knew that was highly unlikely as they would probably continue to ignore her. She consoled herself with the fact that she would know and would always have her memories of Avram even if she had no one to share those memories with.
    -x-
    The seatbelt signs went off and Jocasta stood up to collect her overhead baggage, only to find herself stumble as she was overcome by dizziness and nausea. She hoped she hadn't caught a bug; that was not the memory she wanted to end this holiday of a lifetime on.

Chapter 3
    'The moment a child is born the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new."
    Rajneesh
     
    19 August 1990
    "Ok, I can see the head; just one more push when I say."
    The midwife looked up at Jocasta who was silently praying that this final push was actually the one which was going to bring her little boy out into the world. What a nine months it had been; after realising that the 'bug' she had picked up in Greece was going on for a bit too long and that her period had never come on its allocated date, Jocasta was shocked but delighted to find that she was pregnant.
    Although it had never been her intention to bring back this kind of souvenir, actually Jocasta realised that this was what she had been longing for all her life. A little person of her own, a family member; someone who would love her as much as she wanted to be loved and someone whom she could love back.
    The next nine months were a time of wonder and amazement, reading books about how the little fellow was growing. Parenting manuals, ante-natal classes, yoga, shopping and decorating the nursery in her two bedroomed flat consumed her time. Jocasta had never been so busy. She went from being a bored, lonely workaholic into a busy workaholic who was soon to never be lonely again.
    Watching her body changing was astounding. Every day Jocasta looked at herself in the mirror. She was nothing to look at; she knew that; mousy brown hair always in a ponytail pulled severely off her face. Dark brown eyes under hooded eyebrows which were tirelessly fighting to become one, full nose and thin lips and quite a thick chin, even Jocasta didn't find herself attractive. Her body was much the