coach, my travel expenses. And now they have nothing to show for it.
The guilt I feel over that is overwhelming. It eats away at me every day. I have to pay them back. That was the plan. As an elite gymnast, I'd hoped to make money from endorsements and pay back my parents all the money they spent on me. I'd buy them a better house and new cars and I'd buy my brothers all the stuff they wanted but couldn't have all those years my parents' income went to my gymnastics training. It wasn't fair they had to sacrifice everything for me and I promised myself that someday I would make it up to them.
So I don't care what anyone says. My gymnastics career isn't over. The past year I've spent every day trying to get better. I didn't miss a single physical therapy appointment even though each session hurt like hell. And whenever doubts entered my head, I'd shove them away. I have enough people doubting me. I don't need to do it myself. So I force myself to stay positive, which isn't always easy, especially when my leg is aching, like it is right now.
That's why I didn't want to go out tonight, but if I tell Amber that, it'll just be more ammunition for her to use against me. More proof that my leg will never be the same. Another reason why I should give up on my dream.
I've only lived with Amber a week and she's already driving me crazy, watching me like a hawk to see if I'm limping. I think she'd secretly be happy if I was, because it would give her yet another opportunity to try to convince me to move on and accept that my gymnastics career is over.
My parents have been trying to do this for a year and their attempts have gone nowhere. So when I was offered money for college, my parents were overjoyed, assuming college would give me something new to focus us. Plus, they couldn't afford to send me to college themselves so having someone else offer to foot the bill was like a gift from God. My mom even cried when she found out.
The college money came from a car dealership in my hometown. After going to nationals, I became kind of a local celebrity and was hired to do some local commercials, one of which was for this car dealership. The commercials ended after the accident, but the owner of the car dealership felt so badly about what happened to me that he offered to pay for my college.
As soon as Amber found out I was going to college, she called and suggested I go to the same school she goes to, saying how fun it would be to go to the same college, and how I could live in her apartment. That's when her cheerleader side came out. Just like my parents, she was hoping college would help me move on.
So here I am, living in Chicago and sharing an apartment with Amber. It's late August and I start classes in a week. I turned 21 last week so I'll be an old freshman. Amber is also 21 but she's halfway through her junior year because she takes classes every summer.
I hear knocking on the door and get up to open it.
"Hey, Kira." Matt smiles at me and it's that same sad smile Amber gives me whenever the topic of gymnastics comes up. So she told Matt what happened to me? Why did she tell him? Now whenever he sees me, he's going to give me that smile. I don't want him looking at me that way. Feeling sorry for me. Because there's nothing to feel sorry about. I'm going to compete again. I am. I have to.
"Hi." I step aside. "Come on in. Amber's still getting ready."
I wait for Matt to go past me. I don't want him seeing the slight limp I have from the pain and stiffness in my leg. It's because of my workout yesterday. As soon as I got into town I joined a gym, and yesterday I went a little overboard on my workout. But it's what I have to do if I want to compete again. I have to train hard and suffer through the pain. As the saying goes, no pain, no gain.
"So how do you like Chicago?" Matt asks, sitting on one of the chairs. I take the couch.
Our living room furniture is from Amber's grandma, who moved into a nursing home last year. We