Milkshake Read Free

late. Security could have radioed ahead,
instructing airline staff to hold him at the gate. Even now there
could be a dozen policemen behind him, trying to negotiate the
travelator.
    The stewardess smiled her best professional ‘I don’t approve
but this is my job’ smile. “Ah, Mr Turner, I presume. We’ve been
expecting you. May I see your passport and ticket? The flight is
waiting to depart.” David detected her emphasis on ‘waiting’. It
was not just ready to depart; it was waiting. He was keeping an
entire plane load of people waiting.
    “Sorry, I got a bit held up.” Trying to make his excuse
vague, fixing Katherine with his best ‘I’ll explain when we get on
board’ smile, he thought it would be better to try and nip any
public argument in the bud right there and then, and avoid the
‘where the hell have you been?’ scenario, or at least save it for a
confrontation once on board where it would hopefully be diluted by
the proximity of hundreds of other people.
    “Where the hell have you been? You only
went for a pee. You’ve been gone ages. They called our flight. I
waited until the last possible minute and then I had to send
someone to find you. We nearly missed our bloody flight,
David!”
    David smiled inwardly as he concluded that, putting aside the
tone in which it was delivered, this was probably a fair summary of
what had gone on during his enforced absence, and that frankly he
did not really care, given what he had just gone
through.
    ‘Boy’, he thought; ‘Do I have an explanation for
you!’
     
     

Chapter 2
     
    David and Katherine took their seats. The doors were sealed.
The plane disconnected itself from the boarding gate and taxied
towards the runway.
    David noted an incongruous ‘ker–thunk’ as the wheels bumped
over the joints in the concrete. Aircraft streaked past the window,
followed by a momentary roar from their engines. As the plane lined
up at the end of the runway, the flight crew made final pre-flight
checks.
    David looked around the cabin. No talking, just nervous
yawning. People stared at the in-flight magazine. Some flicked
through the new book they had bought for the flight.
    Like bumble- bees, jumbo jets are theoretically incapable of
flying. They leave the ground purely through the collective
willpower of those on board, hence the solemnity of the atmosphere
inside. Pre–flight food and drinks had been cleared away. Trays
were returned to the upright position, the onboard entertainment
system was paused and the lights dimmed.
    Now everybody, concentrate.
    The cabin crew sat, palms on knees, staring benignly down the
aisle. Then a silent chant began. Each passenger took up their own
internal incantation until three hundred people were of one
mind.
    Quiet contemplation was broken as the captain pushed the
throttle forward. The passengers were forced back in their seats,
their knuckles whitening. They chanted louder, their voices drowned
as the roar of four giant turbines grasped at the air in front of
them.
    Eyes closed as the speed increased.
    Sheer human willpower was now seeping into the superstructure,
enveloping the entire airframe. The pilot glanced to his right,
then at his instruments as the plane passed the control tower.
Suddenly the runway lights dipped beneath the nose as it lifted,
carried by a cushion of collective mental effort into the clear sky
above.
    Five hours into the flight, the meal, served as soon as the
plane had levelled out, was beginning to have an effect. The
ambient noise level disguised the sounds, and hence directions,
from where the various offensive odours were emanating. David
thought they were permeating through several rows of
seats.
    The trick was to just sit and hold it in, hoping it would
return like warm wax in a lava lamp, and dissipate. He had read the
laminated sheet suggesting various exercises to pass the time. No
advice on how to safely and politely pass wind at thirty thousand
feet.
    It was 4.00 a.m. Finally feeling