Midnight Squad: The Grim Read Free Page A

me
killed, and so he made sure I was better than I ever had any right of being.
                “Sure Dad, now what’s going on? What am I doing in here?”
The Colonel shook his head, “Boy, you have to stop drinking. When you start
having blackouts, you have officially partied enough. They found you passed out
in a goat pen yesterday and brought you in for public intoxication. When they
fingerprinted you, they got a hit from our system to detain you. Uncle Sam
wants you for something, and they called me to come down and get you. I came as
fast as I could. I got them to waive the public intoxication charge, but I
couldn’t get them to drop the charge for interference with a public treasure.
Apparently the goat is also the city mascot.” I couldn’t help but start
giggling, “You’re shitting me!” Wilson’s eyes narrowed, he didn’t like it when
I used bad language. “Sorry, but you can’t really expect me to believe that.”
Wilson reached up and put his hand on my shoulder. “Boy, I wish I was joking.
This backwater hole really has a hard-on for that goat. I didn’t believe it
either until they showed me a statue. In fact, it is technically the mayor, and
I don’t even want to know how that works. I paid the fine and we need to get
out of here before these rednecks rub off on you and you start wanting to marry
one of your sisters. By the way, you owe me two hundred and fifty bucks in
fines, but you can pay me back when you get on your feet .“ I nodded, enjoying a brief father and son moment. Then it was gone. He cleared
his throat, stiffened himself into “disciplinary readiness”, and pushed open
the swinging doors. “Move your candy ass you little fairy! I said move, move, move ! I don‘t have all day!”
                The officers gave me my stuff and I made my way to the
van. The lawyers stumbled out. They were not happy. Wilson growled quietly, “By
the way, thanks for tuning those two peckerwoods up a bit. The little creeps
just rubbed me the wrong way the whole flight down.” Comb-over slid into the
driver seat, Toupee took the passenger. The Colonel stretched out next to me in
the back. Well, stretch might be a little much. At six foot six inches and two
hundred and fifty pounds, I don’t leave a lot of room for anyone to stretch
out, but he made do. We were rolling down the road when he handed me his cell
phone. I turned it on and flipped through the names. Snuggie -bear? I couldn’t
help but giggle when I read Wilson’s pet name for my mom. I hit dial and after
two rings, Mom picked up. “I hope you’re gonna be
home soon. Snuggie -bear misses her Love-bunny. I’m
wearing those panties you bought me. You know the crotchless purple ones.” Oh God kill me now. “Um, mom?” I heard a
scream followed by a long pause. Then suddenly the worst fake Spanish accent
ever came over the phone, “So sorry, wrong number. Me no speak-o la English-O,
maybe you have wrong number…O!” I was stuck somewhere between wanting to kill
myself from embarrassment, and nearly peeing myself laughing. Mom kept trying
to sell that I had the wrong number. What started out as a bad Spanish accent
slowly morphed through several other equally bad accents. I heard a bastardized
version of Italian, French, Australian, Indian, and even German. “Mom, come on
as disturbing as this is you aren’t fooling anybody.”
                “Really? Crap!” Mom also had a
way with words. The crap somehow grew to seven syllables. Dad didn’t want us
cursing because he thought it might reflect badly on her since she spent so
much time raising us by herself when he was off on missions. Meanwhile, mom
could put any sailor to shame. She once made a teacher cry when she thought he
didn’t give my oldest sister Niki a high enough grade
for her paper, It was on her idol Ronald Reagan. I
never said we were normal. “Baby how are you! I‘ve been so worried since you
disappeared. Niki , Kelly, Susan,