Material Girl Read Free Page B

Gilbert Grape?” she asked Billie.
    “Don’t even get me started.” Billie rolled her eyes to the ceiling.
    “What’s wrong, honey?” Tee-Tee scooted closer. “Tell Mama.”
    “Where do I start? Let me see.” She paused for dramatic effect. “Remember the dude Jerrod I met at EXO that night we went together?”
    “Yeah, he was kinda cute.”
    “Fuck cute. That niggah almost killed me.”
    “What?” Dylan eyed her seriously.
    “Girl, it was the worst date of my life.”
    “Hold up.” Tee-Tee closed his eyes and shook his head. “Did you say Jerrod?”
    “Yeah.” Billie nodded.
    “About five feet eleven, dark skin wit’ a low cut?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Gurrrrrrl, that ain’t nothing but Musty Nuts, a.k.a. Heidi’s ex-boyfriend.”
    “I knew I smelt his ass from somewhere!” Billie clapped her hands together.
    “You know I got Delicious and them on speed dial.” He held up his phone.
    “His broke ass ain’t even worth it.” Billie rolled her eyes.
    “Where did y’all go?”
    “Café DePaul.”
    “Is that new?” Dylan asked. “I ain’t never heard of it.”
    “Me either, so why I go and put on my nine hundred dollar orange Costello Tagliapietra dress and my Jill Sander heels? This muthafucka picks me up, and we in the car, and I’m smelling something. So, before I start passing judgment, I’m like, is it me? So, on the sly, I smell underneath my arms—nothing. I’m straight, but the smell is just funkin’ up the car.”
    “What it smell like?” Tee-Tee questioned.
    “Badussy!”
    “Are you serious?” Dylan said with skepticism.
    “No, I’m dead serious. So, he talkin’ about his ex-girlfriend and how she did him so wrong and played him to the left after he bought her a three-hundred dollar dog. And, y’all, I was tryin’ my best to stay focused on the conversation, but I swear to God I kept on blacking in and out.”
    Tee-Tee and Dylan cracked up laughing.
    “Thankfully, after a thirty-minute ride we pull up to the place, but it’s a hospital. So, before I flipped the fuck out, I’m thinkin’ maybe he needed to check on somebody or something. But this niggah tells me to come on and get out, like it’s nothing. So, we go inside, and we walkin’, and guess what?”
    “What?” Tee-Tee’s eyes grew wide with anticipation.
    “This dumb muthafucka takes me to the hospital cafeteria called Café DePaul.”
    Dylan had to wipe tears from her eyes because she was laughing so hard.
    “Girl, he pissed me off.” Billie couldn’t help but giggle. “I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to take me to a hospital cafeteria for our first date.”
    “So, what did you do? Did y’all sit down and eat?” Tee-Tee asked.
    “Hell naw! What I look like, one of the Real Chance of Love girls? I cussed his stankin’ ass out, called me a cab, and got my ass up outta there.”
    “That shit is crazy as hell.” Dylan finally calmed down.
    “Who you tellin’? I had to take three baths just to get the smell up off me.”
    “You stupid.” Dylan looked down at her menu.
    “No, what I need to do is date someone closer to my age.” Billie drank her coffee.
    “And what age would that be this week?” Tee-Tee joked.
    “Yo’ mama,” Billie joned.
    “Whateva.” Tee-Tee flicked his wrist.
    “But enough about me. What you got on the agenda today?” Billie turned her attention to Dylan.
    “Shopping, of course, and my monthly meeting with Morty.” Dylan grimaced in reference to her accountant/trust fund manager.
    “Oh it’s that time again? It seems like it was just a week ago you got yelled at for spending ten thousand on that Hermès Birkin bag.”
    “I know, right, but I’m like, it’s Hermès, Morty. Victoria Beckham has one. There is no way I’m not gonna have one too.”
    “You’re a mess, but seriously, you do need to slow down. The money your father left isn’t gonna last forever.”
    “Huuuuuuuuh! Not you too. My motto is you only live once. Besides, my finances are