Manslations Read Free Page A

won't believe.
     

THE JACK BAUER PRINCIPLE
    So, men have left behind the caves, the pointy sticks, the fur bathing suits of their ancestors in the days of yore (most men, anyway). But in addition to the mad pointy-stick-problem-solving skills, men can trace another trait back to the cave, and it is this: Men still have some kind of a weird biological memory of being badasses. Think about it. One of our ancestors must have been a badass, or else everybody in that cave would have bit the dust. (Yes, I realize that everybody in that cave did bite the dust, but you can't blame men for that. Simple biology, people.)
     
    So what does the fact that our progenitors were ancient badasses have to do with, say, a modern accountant? Or a computer programmer? Much like the spearing of your odd elk, there's not much call for badass-ery in most of modern life. Your ability to fight a woolly mammoth with your bare hands is less in demand than, say, knowing how to order properly at Starbucks.
     
    According to the most brilliant minds in this field, * the badass tendency didn't go anywhere. It's still there, lying dormant in most men. Thus…
     
    Every man secretly believes that he's just a few sit-ups away from being 24 's Jack Bauer.
     
    We're all pretty sure that one day the Navy SEALs are going to call up and say, “We're under attack—we just lost half our squad! We need you! ” And by God, we'll be ready. **
     
    Now… consciously, intellectually, we know that not only are the Navy SEALs never going to call, but we would not be ready if they did. However, we still wish we were badasses.
     
    It's very, very important for women to understand this about men. If you follow this, then you know why he doesn't want to, say, go clothes shopping with you.
     
    Imagine your Jack Bauers of the world (or your average Navy SEAL, Green Beret, ninja, or Jedi) picking out blouses with his girlfriend. You can't, can you? That's just not much of a “mission.” These men have no time for blouses—they're all rappelling down the side of a building or kicking in a door or punching an evil person in the stomach or something.
     
    I'm not saying that your man actually wishes he was doing these things, but he likes the idea that he might be considered capable of them. He doesn't want anything to interfere with that fantasy. Like shopping with you, for example.
     
    Let's take that a little further.
     
    What do you do if you want him to come shopping with you? Well first of all, don't want that. If he's anything like me, he will be an infuriating shopper. He's not your girlfriend. He's your man. He won't be very helpful.
     
    However if you must take him shopping, you can't nag him into it. It will never work. You have to make him feel like more of a badass for coming along than if he had just refused and stayed home. If you can somehow convince him that the very fact that he's doing this stuff makes him more of a man than those “sissies who refuse to go shopping with their girlfriends to prove what men they are,” you'll have much better results.
     
    Juvenile? Yes. Silly? Probably. Embarrassing? Sure. But it will work better than nagging, “Why can't you ever just come shopping!?” He's heard this before. From his mom. And the moment he heard it was when he first began to suspect that he was never going to be rappelling down anything.
     
    This is just one example of the Jack Bauer Principle. We'll see it again a little later. Just trust me—if you can understand this about your man, you'll be so much happier. So will he. In these moments, let it be a little less like, “Will you stop being such an idiot and just do what I want?” and a little more like, “Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.” I think you'll be pleased with the results.
     

THE WHAT IT DOES VS. WHAT IT
MEANS PRINCIPLE
    Speaking in broad stereotypes, men seem to interpret the world and the stuff in it in terms of what it does, or its utility. This is why guys