MA09 Myth Inc in Action Read Free Page A

sergeant, as at this point he has asked not one, but two questions callin’ for opposite answers, and whatever answer is given is bound to be wrong. The other unfortunates in line with Nunzio and me seem to be unaware of this and blunder headlong into the trap.
    “YES, SERGEANT!” they bleat eagerly.
    “WHAT??!! Are y’all tryin’ to be funny?”
    The sergeant, who I am glad I never had to compete against for a part in my old drama troupe, gives every impression of bein’ on the verge of foamin’ at the mouth and becomin’ violent to the point of injurin’ himself and anyone else in the near vicinity. Almost unnoticed, he has also asked a third question, placin’ the odds of comin’ up with an acceptable response well out of reach of the intellects in line with us.
    “No... Ahh...”
    “Yes, Sergeant.” ...
    “Ahh... No?”
    The attempt to shout an answer dissolves in a babble of confusion as the new recruits glance at each other, tryin’ to sort out what they’re supposed to be sayin’.
    “YOU!”
    The sergeant’s voice silences the group’s efforts as he homes in on one unfortunate in the front row.
    “What are you lookin’ at him for? Do you think he’s cute??”
    “No!”
    “What?”
    “Ahh... No, Sergeant?”
    “Ah can’t hear you!”
    “No, Sergeant!”
    “Louder! Sound off like you got a pair!”
    “NO, SERGEANT!!”
    “That’s better!”
    The sergeant nods curtly, then turns his attention to the rest of the formation again.
    Viewed correctly, dis is a fascinatin’ study in group-type dynamics. By focusin’ on one individual, not only has the sergeant let the rest of the group off the hook of tryin’ to come up with an acceptable response to his questions, he has impressed on them that they really don’t want to ever be singled out by him.
    “My name is Sergeant Smiley, and Ah will be your drill instructor for the next few days. Now, right away Ah want you to know that there are three ways of doing things in this man’s army: the Right Way, the Army Way, and My Way... we will do things My way! Do I make myself clear?”
    “YES, SERGEANT!!”
    The group is gettin’ into the swing of things now, bellowin’ out their responses like a convention of beat cops goin’ after a jaywalker.
    “All right now, listen up! When I call out your name, sound off loud and clear so’s I know you’re here and not off wandering around somewhere. Understand?”
    “YES, SERGEANT!”
    “Bee!”
    “Here!”
    “HERE WHAT?”
    The kid what has just answered is so skinny it is surprisin’ he can stand without assistance, but he licks his lips nervously and takes a deep breath.
    “HERE, SERGEANT!” he shouts, but his voice cracks in the middle of it, makin’ his declaration less than impressive.
    “That’s better,” the sergeant nods, apparently satisfied with the youngster’s effort. “Flie, Hyram!”
    “Here, Sergeant!”
    “Flie, Shubert!”
    “Here, Sergeant!”
    The sergeant looks up from his roster with a scowl.
    “Bee? Flie? What is this, a freaking Bug Convention?”
    “We’re brothers, Sarge,” one of the two Flies supplies unnecessarily, as the physical similarities between the two broad-shouldered individuals would be obvious even if their names didn’t link them.
    “That’s right,” the other put in. “You can call me Hy for short, and Shubert there would rather be called Shu, ‘cause otherwise...”
    “DID I ASK?”
    “No, sir.”
    “Sorry, sir.”
    “...AND DON’T CALL ME SIR!!! I ain’t no freakin’ officer! It didn’t take a grant from the crown to make me a gentleman... I was born one!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME???”
    “YES, SERGEANT!!”
    “Drop down and give me twenty pushups just so you won’t forget!”
    “Umm... is that ten from each of us, Sarge, or...”
    “TWENTY EACH!” Smiley roared. “.. .AND ANOTHER FIVE EACH FOR CALLIN’ ME ‘SARGE’! MY NAME IS SERGEANT SMILEY OR SERGEANT, NOT SARGE OR SIR! YOU GOT THAT, TROOPER??”
    “YES,