thinking about it made her want to cry, so she pushed the memory from her mind. She knew that if she thought about it, she would remain in a dark mood for the rest of the day. And there were too many other things to contend with right now.
Brynn couldn’t blame Adam for leaving. She had inexplicably withdrawn her love, leaving him alone even after he had always taken care of her. She hadn’t left him with much of a choice.
“You’ve abandoned me, Brynn!” Adam would say to her time and again in total frustration. “You won’t even discuss having a family with me! You just wallow! If I had known this is who you would become when I married you…” Adam never finished the sentence, but Brynn knew that he would never have married her in the first place.
They fell in love at fifteen and Adam was the only person to teach Brynn how to live, to laugh, and to smile. Even though Adam knew she had endured more than any one person should have ever had to, he wanted Brynn to want to be happy, with him. And as much as he loved her, he needed her to love him, too.
Adam needed her to let him love her, but Brynn refused, and so he left.
Those months without him were hell.
Now Brynn knew what life was without him, and she was never going to lose him again. Adam returned with love finally winning out over the anger and confusion.
Brynn sometimes wondered whether he would have come back if Rose hadn’t died. She knew it didn’t matter, because her adopted mother did die , and Adam did come back, and she chastised herself for trying to over think it.
But it wasn’t an easy road for either of them, and they had worked through much in the past year and a half since he moved home.
“I’m never leaving you again Brynn,” Adam would say to her repeatedly. “I’ll never hurt you again.”
“I want to believe you, Adam.” Brynn was stubborn and her heart had a hard time letting go of the fear. “I want to, but I just don’t.” Adam would try to hold her, and Brynn would stiffen up, pushing him away with her fear.
“Stop pushing me away. You don’t have to push me away anymore.” Adam won out, and he held her close, feeling her heart beating in her chest from the anxiety. “I’ll never abandon you.”
Brynn always felt herself give into the deep, low tone of his voice that she loved so much. She allowed herself to be enveloped in his strong, sturdy arms, but a tiny part of her still wanted to shrink away. She wondered if she would ever stop fighting the happiness he gave her.
She had experienced so much loss in life that she had come to expect it. First, her birth parents abandoning her. Then Stacy, her childhood friend who had been killed by her husband’s lover. Then Rose. And now Adam. Brynn finally decided that she would give herself permission to accept Adam’s love, no matter how long she was able to have it.
When she gave in, there was finally peace.
And now they were having a baby together. Brynn was five months along, and her belly was nice and round. When Brynn looked at her belly, naked in the mirror, she saw the scars from years of cutting stretched out wide. Some were still painfully visible while others were beginning to fade, but they all still served as a horrific reminder of her painful childhood. The first time she went to have her ultrasound done, Brynn was embarrassed. The technician didn’t even blink twice, and proceeded with ‘business as usual.’ Brynn was grateful.
She knew that she needed to accept the pain from her past and move on in order to be a good mother.
Now she was enjoying every moment of her pregnancy. There was no morning sickness, and she loved how the growing baby was giving her an excuse to eat a little more. She finally looked healthy, and was actually glowing and radiant. Brynn looked so different from the sick, bony woman she had become when Adam was gone.
But now Brynn worried for her baby.
Jane! It is Jane’s wedding day, and I am supposed to stand up with