Living With Regret Read Free Page B

seen.
    “Well, you’re staying for a while, aren’t you?” He smiles, and I swear I’ve never seen dimples like his.
    I nod, feeling his warm finger brush against the skin below my ear. “Good.” His voice is soft but smooth, like melted butter. Warm tingles run the entire length of my body. Everything about this suddenly feels right.
    We’d been together ever since that night. He was my first date, first kiss, and first love. I let him have everything because I thought he’d be my only. Things have changed now, and nothing will ever be the same. Everything I thought, felt, wanted is gone, and I’d do anything to have him back.
    It should have been me who didn’t make it out of that car. Living without him is going to be worse than not living at all.
    The door clicks, and another nurse walks in with my medical chart in hand. Her expression becomes sympathetic when she sees my tear-stained cheeks.
    “How are you feeling, Rachel?”
    I shake my head, unable to put into words what is going through my mind. Why would someone even ask me that?
    “Are you in pain?” she asks, fastening the blood pressure cuff around my arm.
    I nod, turning my attention out the window on the other side of the room. I’m not sure if it’s the physical or emotional pain that runs deeper, but I’m not going to explain that to her. She wouldn’t understand … no one would.
    After taking my vitals, she smoothes my long blonde hair away from my face … the way my mother had done just hours ago. “I’m going to give you something to help you sleep. You need to get some rest.”
    My eyelids grow heavy just minutes after she leaves, and before I have time to object, temporary relief finds me. It doesn’t last long, though, and my mind drifts off to the land of memories and confusion again. The same scenes continue to play, and I let them. I wish there was a way to climb into them, to go back in time.

    When I wake up, the room is dark. Blinking the sleep away, I glance around the quiet space in search of my mom. She should have been back hours ago. I need her, more than I ever have before.
    The whole time I slept, I heard Cory calling my name. I tried to run after him, but I couldn’t catch him. It was foggy and dark, but I could still see him looking back at me every once in a while. It fueled me to move faster, but the distance between us didn’t close. Now that I’m awake, I realize it was just a dream. I’ll never touch Cory again; my whole life will be spent chasing those memories, but not being able to catch them.
    “Rachel.” I glance over, spotting Madison standing in the corner of the room. Her shoulder-length brown hair is pinned back away from her face. She looks tired, much the same way Mom did before.
    When I don’t respond, she moves closer, curling her fingers around my forearm. Madison’s been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Our moms were best friends, and we’ve done everything together since we were babies: baths, swimming and dance lessons, and family trips. We understand each other, especially the pressure our parents put on us to be the best at everything. We both did everything we could to get straight A’s in school, and if it weren’t for calculus, I would have accomplished it. We joined every committee we could, just like our mothers had in their high school days: prom, yearbook, and homecoming. Looking back at it now, it was exhausting. I lost a lot of myself trying to be what my parents wanted me to be. It doesn’t seem worth it now.
    She takes the seat next to my bed, watching me carefully. “You look like you’re doing better than the last time I saw you.” I wonder when that was, but I don’t ask. It doesn’t matter. “How are you feeling?”
    I look away from her. It’s a stupid question—one I’m so tired of hearing. How does she think I am? I woke up with no memory of what put me here and just found out my boyfriend is dead. I know it happened. I’m not in denial, but