Life Is Not an Accident Read Free Page B

questioning. There was only one question on my mind.
    Am I paralyzed?
    He thought for a second and then told me that I would be just fine. As they continued to assess me, one of them said, “I think you’ve just broken a couple of bones.”
    Having been the daredevil that I was as a kid, I knew whatit felt like to break bones. This was something different. Broken bones would’ve been a gift. This was a pain that had exceeded any other pain I had ever felt. I wouldn’t have wished this on my worst enemy . . . and now it was my reality.
    Were they just minimizing the severity of my injuries to try and keep me calm? Was I hearing what I wanted to hear instead of the cold, hard truth?
    Deep down I knew that I would never be the same.
    As they tried to gently adjust my body to lay me directly on my back, it felt as if my insides were being ripped apart. The pain was so excruciating that I begged them to stop.
    â€œStop. Stop. Stop. Get the fuck off me. Please. Get off me. Just let me be.”
    They delicately placed my neck in one of those mobile braces to keep me from causing any further damage. Once I was stable, ever so slightly, they tilted my body just enough to slip a board under me. I was then lifted onto a gurney and rolled into the ambulance. As the adrenaline kicked in, the pain took a backseat to fear. I was wailing so much that it felt impossible to catch my breath.
    Just before they put me in the back of the cabin, I yelled to Kevin, begging him to let me use his cell. I dialed the only phone number that mattered. As the phone rang, my heart was pounding through my chest. Pick up, pick up, pick up. As desperate as I was for someone to answer the phone, I knew what would happen the minute I heard my mom’s voice. I wouldn’t have been able to keep myself together. My dad probably would have tried to keep his cool for my benefit, but hearing my mother’s voice would have broken me.
    I got their machine. Not knowing what to say, I tried my best to sound calm. “Hey, Mom and Dad, it’s me. I’ve been in a reallybad accident. I think I’ll be okay, but you guys need to come to Chicago as soon as possible. I love you both so much. Please get here.” Not the message a child wants to leave behind for his parents, but it’s a lot better than hearing the same news from a stranger. At least this way I had a chance to get to them before the news broke.
    The ride to the ER was a complete blur. An IV into my arm, oxygen mask over my face, and a ton of chatter as they assessed my vitals, with Kevin by my side the whole time.
    The next thing I remember, I was being gurneyed into the ER at a frantic pace while a woman was sprinting by my side to let me know that I was at Illinois Masonic. “Jay, my name is Dr. Mellett. You’ve severed a major artery in your left leg. We have to stop the bleeding now .” Panic began to set in once again with a lot more urgency.
    â€œI don’t want to die. I don’t want to die.”
    And no one was telling me that I wouldn’t.
    As I lay on the cold, sterile operating table, broken, halogen lighting beaming down, Dr. Mellett stood by my side, firmly clutching my hand. I had no idea where Kevin was, or anyone I knew, for that matter. I was alone, surrounded by complete strangers in scrubs, accompanied by a doctor who, just moments ago, was one of them. Now she was my crutch, her voice my only source of comfort. The only thing I was moving was my eyes, scanning my surroundings in terror. My one friend in the room then spoke.
    â€œJay, look at me. Just focus on me. Focus on your breathing. In through your nose, out through your mouth. Just take one breath at a time. It’s going to be okay.”
    As the anesthesia began to take, I thought about my parents.Would I ever be able to see them again? I had so many things I wanted to tell them. For starters, how sorry I was for not listening to them. Sorry for trying to prove