Let Their Spirits Dance Read Free Page B

know what he was trying to tell me.” My mother bursts into tears. The curtain slips from her hand. Cholo stops barking and is now whimpering. A solitary dog barks in the distance, then stops.
    â€œAy, he’s leaving!” Mom turns and walks slowly back to bed, holding on to my arm. Suddenly, she is weak again, frail. I help her lie down, easing her head back on the pillow. She’s crying, her shoulders heaving with every sob. I take a Kleenex from the box on the nightstand and hand it to her, switching on the lamp. In the light, I notice her face is flushed. I put my hand on her forehead, and it feels warm. I know the pain in her legs is excruciating, but she’s stubborn and won’t take prescribed pain pills. I’m wondering if I should call Dr. Mann and tell him Mom’s hallucinating. There’s a part of me that wants to think this whole thing is a nightmare and I’ll wake up soon.
    â€œAy, Teresa, your face looks horrible! You need to see a doctor.”
    â€œDon’t worry about my face. You feel hot. Do your lungs hurt?” I look closely at her for signs of the weariness I’ve come to identify as the pneumonia she’s battled with twice this winter.
    â€œMom, you were dreaming. Go to sleep.”
    â€œNo! I heard your brother’s voice.”
    â€œWhy would Jesse be waking you up?” I play inside my mother’s head. It’s no use trying to force reality. The real and the invisible are clouds my mother moves in and out of without noticing the difference. She looks matter-of-factly at me.
    â€œWhy would anyone wake me up at night? Jesse has something to tell me. Him and his friends.”
    â€œFriends?”
    â€œVoices…” She searches the dark again, straining to hear.
    â€œWhat were they saying?” I ask her.
    â€œWho knows? They were whispering! Ay, Santo Niño help me!” she cries. “What is it I have to do?” She looks over at the image of El Santo Niño and tears start again. I brush them off her face and feel I’m the mother, and she’s the child. I’m wondering if Elsa, my oldest daughter, will someday feel the same way about me. She’ll look at me and think I’m crazy for waking her up in the middle of the night.
    â€œSomething in my chest is heavy, mija. There’s something I have to do.”
    Since Jesse’s death, my mother feels all her pain in her breastbone. It travels through the center of her chest and meets in her back between her shoulder blades. She holds on to the pain with one hand.
    â€œDon’t think about it. You need to rest.”
    â€œHow can I rest when there’s something I have to do? Didn’t you hear anything?” She holds my hand and listens one more time. The action makes me cock my head to listen, too. If only I could hear mybrother’s voice, now, in this house! I would cup my hand around it and seal it forever into the grooves of plaster on the walls.
    â€œDo you think Jesse forgave me? Ay, mijito! He suffered so much for me, que pena! Why didn’t I throw your father out?” She sits up and starts coughing, gasping for air.
    â€œMom, stop accusing yourself! You’re making yourself sick.” I pat her back and give her a drink of water.
    â€œIs the room warm enough for you?” I look over at the orange coils of the electric heater. “It’s so cold in this house! Just like my dad to go off and die and never fix anything.”
    â€œIt doesn’t matter, mija. The other world is catching up to me anyway, just think, I might have to put up with your father and Consuelo after I die. God knows, I should have buried their bones together!”
    â€œThey’re probably in Hell, Mom. You’ll never see them.”
    â€œMaybe I will, and maybe I won’t. God knows what He will do with those two. May they rest in peace, even though they never gave me any peace!” She touches my aching face