Leave Me Alone Read Free Page A

company had said that although I had ability, I wasn’t ready. ‘You still need more experience,’ he told me portentously.
    Spare me the bullshit, I thought.
    When Fatty had finished his spiel, he pretended he wanted to be friends. ‘I know you,’ he said. ‘You hadn’t even thought about the General Manager position.’
    ‘That’s way beyond someone ignorant like me,’ I agreed. ‘What I need, Boss Dong, is a man of experience like you to be my mentor.’
    Fatty Dong smiled magnificently, and I seized the opportunity.
    ‘Could you ask Head Office whether there’s any chance of a raise? I’m saving for a house and money is tight. Also, oursales department always exceeds its targets, so I don’t see why we should get less than admin staff.’
    His fat smile melted like an ice-cream on the beach.

    I called the sales team together and punched the air aggressively.
    ‘Brothers, good news! I’ve already applied to get everyone a raise. Damn you, Liu Three, if you’re handing round the cigarettes, give me one!’
    Liu Three laughed as he tossed me a Red Pagoda cigarette, then Zhou Weidong bent his head and lit it for me.
    ‘Boss Dong opposed the increase,’ I explained. ‘He made me beg three times before he finally agreed to take this to Head Office. Let’s all keep a close eye on Boss Dong.’ I gave those two words ‘Boss Dong’ a mean bite. Secretly I was thinking: Fatty Dong, there’s no way I can make this team of more than a hundred people like you. Getting them to detest you though would be just too easy.
    For so many people to get a salary increase at the same time would mean at least a twenty per cent increase in the Chengdu branch’s operating costs. If Fatty dared to make this request to Head Office and he wasn’t rebuffed then I’d get the credit. But if he didn’t even dare to ask, then how could he manage the sales department?
    The meeting room was thick with cigarette smoke as the news of a possible raise elated everyone. The steam repair department chief, Zhou Yan, one of the few women in oursales team, called out, Big Brother, if they really increase our salaries we’ll all chip in to get you a mistress.
    Liu Three said, ‘If you’re thinking about being Big Brother’s mistress, then just come out and say so, no need to be coy. It can be arranged.’ He grinned at me.
    My flunkies all laughed and Zhou Yan gave me a look, her face as red as paint. Actually I’d sensed all along that she had some kind of crush on me, but according to common sense values a rabbit doesn’t eat the grass near its own burrow. How could I have the face to give someone instructions by day and then at night stretch out my hand to take off her skirt?

    During lunch in a local noodle joint, my other university friend Bighead Wang called my cellphone and asked whether my company could get hold of government car plates. I said that it all depended who they were for.
    ‘Just get them,’ Bighead said. ‘It’s me that wants them.’
    ‘OK, let’s call Li Liang and go to Old Mother’s Hotpot restaurant for a few beers,’ I said. ‘We can talk about it then.’
    After graduation, Bighead Wang had joined the cops. From day one, he’d insisted that he didn’t want a desk job, he wanted to be on the beat. Li Liang and I both questioned his sanity. On the contrary, he replied, we were both dickheads, and then he gave the first exposition of his now famous ‘rights’ theory.
    ‘Cops on the beat have the right to be corrupt, but pen-pushers can only wag their tails obediently,’ he told us. He went on: ‘An inside section chief makes around 1000 yuan amonth, whereas I hear that a cop on the beat can get several thousand in bribes. You tell me which type of public servant is more valued?’
    This foresight demonstrated Bighead’s genius because five years later he was already the head of a busy downtown precinct. He had a car and a house, and he weighed about 20 kilos more than at the time of