Learning to Heal Read Free Page B

head.

 
     
     
     
     
     
    Sitting on the dining room floor, I hold Grace in my lap while she cries. I feel like crying myself and not from the pain in my jaw, but from the news Jazz shared. Since that still hurts to think about, I’ll concentrate on my throbbing face, but my mind still does a play-by-play of the past five minutes. Well, I think it’s been five minutes. Maybe it’s been longer. I remember everything happening in slow motion after Jazz announced she was having a baby. Panic set in and my heart broke with every second that passed while I sat there waiting for her to say “just joking” or “not” in her sweet voice. However, she looked uncomfortable and nervous, so I knew it was no joke. Then I felt anger over the bastard abandoning her. No one should raise a child alone. And thinking of Jazz lonely and tired had me grabbing her hand. She has me and it’s about time she knows it.
    I’ve known from the moment I saw her picture that she was out of my league. Her vibrant beauty is something only guys like David and Jax attract, not someone who likes to take apart computers or car engines just to put them together again. Studying something slowly to see how I can make it work the same way or differently is what gets my blood pumping, but seeing her caused the same effect and I knew I was in deep shit. I shouldn’t have felt any of those things, but I did ... and still do. The more I watched her, the more fascinated I was and it’s almost become an obsession. Rash decisions are not in me … or so I thought. Slow is more my speed. I like to study and calculate every possible outcome to all my actions. That way I won’t be disappointed when things don’t turn out like I thought because I anticipated every possible outcome.
    But she always throws me for a loop with everything she says and does. With her confident walk and guarded eyes, she’s something else, and I have been building up my courage over the past few months just to touch her. I’ve been able to a few times and it still amazes me that I even can. Every time I feel her soft skin under my fingertips I get hot and have to pull away before I make a fool out of myself. I’m not like David or Jax when it comes to girls. Sure, I’m not virgin, but I’m no smooth talking playboy either.
    My childhood wasn’t really a childhood at all. I would stay home most weekends while I was in high school. Mom needed to work a lot so I took care of Grace and still do when she needs to work. Needless to say my social life was nonexistent. I’m not saying I was a leper or some shit like that. I had friends and we’d play video games and go skate at the park, but that was rare. I usually did it if Grace was at therapy. Mom could rarely afford to get off of work to take her so I would study things on the school’s internet and print out different pages to take home and work with her. Speech is still not happening, but I believe if she wants to speak, she will.
    I shake my head and rub Grace’s back as her breathing slows. She’s not used to screaming or violence. We try to keep all her surroundings calm because she picks up on every sensation and detail. Today’s situation is a lot for her to take in and I’m sure she’s feeling an overload of feelings.
    “Shhh, baby girl, it’s okay.” I feel her grip tighten on me and hear her moan as a response to my voice.
    Finally after another minute she gets up and walks over to the table like nothing traumatic just happened. I straighten our chairs and make her a plate of sweet potatoes, mac and cheese, and dressing. She still has issues with chewing, so we like to stick to soft foods to prevent her from choking. I kiss the top of her head and notice David watching me while he eats. He doesn’t look angry like he did earlier. Jazz has been like a sister to him since they met when she was fifteen. Instead, he’s displaying his famous Mr. Know-it-all smirk.
    “What are you smiling at?”
    He leans back in