Law and Disorder Read Free Page A

grand’ were concerned. Afterwards, he turned to me and asked whether I’d been reading the little book by Sun Tzu, to which I replied, ‘a little’.
    ‘Remember what he said about fighting, BabyB. “To fight and conquer in all your battles is not supreme excellence; supreme excellence consists in breaking the enemy’s resistance without fighting.” ’
    What I’d say is, ‘Never take on a lawyer on a no-win, no-fee basis.’ Invest now in legal expenses insurance. Pay upfront. But whatever you do, don’t let the lawyers start worrying about getting paid. However much they protest otherwise, it’s there in their mind. Not even at the back of their mind. It’s a big fat ugly screaming beast jumping up and down on their head telling them to settle whether you want to fight it or not.
    Wednesday 11 October 2006
    Day 8 (week 2): BusyBody
    With the settlement under his belt, TheBoss didn’t show today and apparently will be away the rest of the week. He figures that he’s got his brief fee for the five-day trial and so at the very least after all that hard work he deserves a rest. By Jove, he’s earned it. Not that I’m complaining. When TheBoss is away . . . BabyBarista goes to the library. Turns out there’s quite a social scene already developed. A little pupil ecosystem all of its own. One of those places where the only work done is by this one librarian we call JobsWorth who sees it as his mission to seek out and find every nook or cranny which might be hiding a little collection of pupils and then to scowl and say, ‘Can you either get back to work or leave please,’ which is what he’s forced to say since one of the pupils last year apparently reported him for swearing.
    Claire was at the library this morning. I was on the top floor, which is usually empty, and was playing cricket with a couple of friends. As she strolled through the door, she caught us scarpering back to our desks, like rabbits in the headlights, thinking that JobsWorth had caught us red-handed.
    ‘Good to see that the future of the legal profession is in safe hands,’ she said. ‘Coffee?’
    Off at the nearest café, Claire looked relieved to be away from chambers.
    ‘I’ve decided I can’t stand my pupilmistress. Last week it was babysitting. This week she’s making me teach her precocious little four-year-old brat to read.’
    ‘What do the rest of chambers think about her using the place as a crèche?’
    ‘So long as she continues paying them inordinate amounts of rent, they don’t care what she does.’
    ‘Even when she’s completely taking the mickey?’
    ‘Regardless, and anyway, she’s played the militant-single-mum card so well that they’d all be terrified to question her right to do anything, I reckon. But hey, what’s new with you?’
    ‘Well, I’ve got myself a pretty straightforward plan to win over each of the sixty or so members of chambers one by one.’
    ‘You and the rest of the pupil world. So how’s it work?’
    ‘Drawn up a spreadsheet and set myself a target of doing at least one piece of work for each of them by the time of the tenancy decision at the end of next September.’
    ‘Geek.’
    ‘You think I’m bad. You should see some of the others.’
    ‘It’s so sad we’ve got to do this, but I guess they’ll be making their own little plans. I have to say, I don’t like the sound of TopFirst.’
    I then went on to tell her about meeting one of the girl pupils for the first time. Let me call her BusyBody. Boy oh boy is she that. This morning she collared me outside the clerks’ room and boomed so that everyone and their dog could hear, ‘Are you going to stand for election to the Young Barristers Committee of the Bar Council, BabyBarista?’
    ‘Er . . .’
    ‘Because if you’re not, do you think you would support me?’
    ‘Er . . .’
    ‘Thank you, BabyBarista. I knew I could count on my core vote in chambers.’
    She’s a bundle of interfering energy who wants to boss and