it show.
And it seemed she was a better actress than she knew. Here on the ranch, she’d kept her feelings bottled safely away. It was only in the truck each day, driving back and forth between here and Marietta, that she gave way.
To screaming.
To speeding.
To singing along to the radio at the top of her lungs, not even noticing the Sheriff’s car and lights and siren until he was almost on top of her.
Calm, Kate. Find the calm, and breathe it in.
“I have been happy,” she repeated. “I love you and Melinda and the kids. But all of you… rely on me… too much, and I’m starting to resent it, and that’s getting in the way of the love, and I hate that.”
“I had no idea,” he said again.
But he wasn’t slow to grasp an idea when it was put in front of him and soon he was urging her to act at once. “You’ll get an apartment? Or a house?”
“I’m still thinking. Not sure. Maybe even some acreage, as long as it’s only a few minutes out of town.”
“I know you hate the drive back and forth. That at least I haven’t been blind about.”
“You haven’t been blind, Rob.”
“You’ll find something easily.” But she could see that he was thinking feverishly behind the words, panicking a little.
“How will you manage when I go?” She hadn’t meant to say it. She shouldn’t let him see that she was doubtful on his behalf. Maybe she had no right to do this. Maybe she was being selfish. “Melinda… struggles. You already work so hard.”
But Rob was firm now. “We’ll get her mom to come for a month or two, help with the transition. The kids are getting old enough to help more, too. Rose and RJ were great, tonight. I’ll make up a chart for chores, or something. We’ll handle it, don’t worry.”
“Will her mom be willing?”
“She’ll have to be,” he said shortly. “She has no real excuse.”
Darla was divorced, living forty-five minutes away in Bozeman and comfortably off. She had hobbies and a social life and did charity work, but she didn’t have an employer who had to give permission about time off. She was a free agent. Rob was right, she could have done a lot more for them over the past ten years.
“Do it,” Rob said. “Make a plan. I’m so sorry you were the one who had to say it, Kate. I should have seen. Long ago.”
“It’s okay. It’s fine.”
“Do I need to call Darla tonight?”
“Tonight? No! Gosh, it might take me three or four months to find the right place.”
“That long?”
“I want to buy, not rent. I have money saved.”
But she hadn’t even looked at real estate prices yet. Hadn’t ever let herself think seriously about moving to her own place because she’d been so worried about how Melinda and Rob would manage without her.
“Three or four months, huh,” he echoed.
“Longer, even.” She could see how relieved he was, to know that she wasn’t planning to leave them in the lurch tomorrow. She would be here for the rest of calving and branding, and would help with whatever she could, as always. It felt like a good compromise, and her stress was easing just to think about the move. Light at the end of the tunnel. A change to plan for and look forward to. “And I’ll still come out to help when I can, even after I’ve moved.”
She took a breath, and felt she was breathing in calm. Could it be that she was actually happy that Harrison Pearce had stopped her tonight? Happy that she’d been wearing two pairs of glasses too many? Oh lord, they’d looked so funny and pitiful, tangled there in his big hand!
“Go to bed, Rob,” she said. “I’ll clear up in the kitchen.”
“You sure?”
“I’ll put on some music, just quiet.” When everything was clean in there, she would sit at the big table with hot tea and the music still going, and grade as many papers as she could manage.
Wearing just the one pair of glasses, thanks.
The whole house would be quiet by then.
Peaceful. Calm.
It made her keep thinking of
And it seemed she was a better actress than she knew. Here on the ranch, she’d kept her feelings bottled safely away. It was only in the truck each day, driving back and forth between here and Marietta, that she gave way.
To screaming.
To speeding.
To singing along to the radio at the top of her lungs, not even noticing the Sheriff’s car and lights and siren until he was almost on top of her.
Calm, Kate. Find the calm, and breathe it in.
“I have been happy,” she repeated. “I love you and Melinda and the kids. But all of you… rely on me… too much, and I’m starting to resent it, and that’s getting in the way of the love, and I hate that.”
“I had no idea,” he said again.
But he wasn’t slow to grasp an idea when it was put in front of him and soon he was urging her to act at once. “You’ll get an apartment? Or a house?”
“I’m still thinking. Not sure. Maybe even some acreage, as long as it’s only a few minutes out of town.”
“I know you hate the drive back and forth. That at least I haven’t been blind about.”
“You haven’t been blind, Rob.”
“You’ll find something easily.” But she could see that he was thinking feverishly behind the words, panicking a little.
“How will you manage when I go?” She hadn’t meant to say it. She shouldn’t let him see that she was doubtful on his behalf. Maybe she had no right to do this. Maybe she was being selfish. “Melinda… struggles. You already work so hard.”
But Rob was firm now. “We’ll get her mom to come for a month or two, help with the transition. The kids are getting old enough to help more, too. Rose and RJ were great, tonight. I’ll make up a chart for chores, or something. We’ll handle it, don’t worry.”
“Will her mom be willing?”
“She’ll have to be,” he said shortly. “She has no real excuse.”
Darla was divorced, living forty-five minutes away in Bozeman and comfortably off. She had hobbies and a social life and did charity work, but she didn’t have an employer who had to give permission about time off. She was a free agent. Rob was right, she could have done a lot more for them over the past ten years.
“Do it,” Rob said. “Make a plan. I’m so sorry you were the one who had to say it, Kate. I should have seen. Long ago.”
“It’s okay. It’s fine.”
“Do I need to call Darla tonight?”
“Tonight? No! Gosh, it might take me three or four months to find the right place.”
“That long?”
“I want to buy, not rent. I have money saved.”
But she hadn’t even looked at real estate prices yet. Hadn’t ever let herself think seriously about moving to her own place because she’d been so worried about how Melinda and Rob would manage without her.
“Three or four months, huh,” he echoed.
“Longer, even.” She could see how relieved he was, to know that she wasn’t planning to leave them in the lurch tomorrow. She would be here for the rest of calving and branding, and would help with whatever she could, as always. It felt like a good compromise, and her stress was easing just to think about the move. Light at the end of the tunnel. A change to plan for and look forward to. “And I’ll still come out to help when I can, even after I’ve moved.”
She took a breath, and felt she was breathing in calm. Could it be that she was actually happy that Harrison Pearce had stopped her tonight? Happy that she’d been wearing two pairs of glasses too many? Oh lord, they’d looked so funny and pitiful, tangled there in his big hand!
“Go to bed, Rob,” she said. “I’ll clear up in the kitchen.”
“You sure?”
“I’ll put on some music, just quiet.” When everything was clean in there, she would sit at the big table with hot tea and the music still going, and grade as many papers as she could manage.
Wearing just the one pair of glasses, thanks.
The whole house would be quiet by then.
Peaceful. Calm.
It made her keep thinking of
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