Killing Kate Read Free Page B

weird way he does when he disagrees with me.  Devin isn’t
what most people would call handsome or good looking.  He’s got a face that’s
almost feminine and looks a lot like me in some ways, but it doesn’t
necessarily work on a boy…or man, I guess I can call him nowadays.  He’s older
than I am by fourteen months.  His hair right now is short in back and long in
the front, which I kind of like on him, but he resembles a skinny punk rock
lesbian.  It’s the same color as mine naturally, though he has it dyed black
right now.  The last time I saw him it was blue.  People always thought we were
twins because we were so close in age.  “Irish twins!” was something we heard a
lot growing up in a south side Irish neighborhood.
    “Kate will be there to help you
through whenever things get tough,” he says.  “Jenna, you need to be on meds. 
I don’t like this.”
    “Devin, let me handle it.”
    He shakes his head.  He looks like
he might cry, which will make me leave and he knows it.  “Devin,” I say again. 
“I don’t even have a health insurance policy that will cover them.  I get bare
minimum coverage through Appleseed.  Those pills aren’t covered.  I can barely
make rent.  Just let me get through tomorrow and we can talk.”
    “She’s not real, Jenna,” he says. 
“Kate is not a real fucking person.  She’s just you, Jenna.”

Chapter 3
    I am reeling from this conversation
with Devin.  Everything he says I know, but I don’t appreciate hearing about it
right now.  Yes, I’m bat shit insane.  Yes, Kate comes into my life when I need
her.  I need her now.  Devin is making me feel pain, and he isn’t letting me
see Kate right now.  I am about to cry but am interrupted by a camouflaged man
putting a bowl of steaming hot noodly soup in front of me and Devin.  “You
enjoy now,” he barks with a thick Vietnamese accent and walks away.        Instead
of crying, I eat.  I realize it’s been over two days since I’d had any food and
I down the entire bowl ferociously while Devin just stares at me and sips. 
“Jesus, Jenna,” he says.  “You’re not taking care of yourself.”
    “Don’t
lecture me, Devin,” I say.  “Besides, do you want me to go back on my meds or
do you want me to eat?  Because we both know I can’t do both.”  There’s
actually a longer list of things I can’t do while medicated other than eating. 
Pooping, having sex, leaving the apartment, opening my mouth without looking
like a St Bernard and waking up are just a few of the gems I can name off the
top of my head.  Either way, medicated or crazy, I’m a hot mess.
    Devin
scrunches up his face which is his ridiculous way of indicating that he’s in
deep thought.  It really looks more like he’s constipated.  “You’re moving in
with me,” he finally says.
    I
shake my head furiously.  “No, not that.  I need my space.”  It sounds lame, I
know.  Devin sees right through it.  “I’m just…it makes me think about…”
    He
nods and gives me a look that cuts me off, knowing what I can’t say to him. 
Living with Devin would remind me of darker days, when we lived with our dad,
and then with our mom and Frank.  The second part was fine, but the beginning
of the story wasn’t a time I have ever decided to remember fondly.  When I do,
Kate comes around.  She is the block between what happened in my past and me
remembering.  She prevents all of it from coming to the surface and drowns my
past inside of the deep well I’ve managed to stuff it inside.  I like it there,
because I have a feeling I’d be even more screwed up if I ever brought it up to
surface.
    “Hey,”
Devin says reaching for my hand, interrupting my broodings.  “It’ll be okay. 
We’ll get through the funeral together.  Then we’ll find you a new doctor and
some medication that won’t make it impossible for you to function.  Okay?”  I
shrug, feeling numb and just wanting to placate