really exciting news. Guess who’s moved to Tampa Vistas. Lydia Pinkus’s brother, Lester. You remember Lydia Pinkus, don’t you, honey? One of my dearest friends and the president of the Tampa Vistas Homeowners Association. Anyhow, her brother is the most charming man, a retired physics professor, a world traveler, and a former amateur boxer. And so distinguished. He looks just like the doctor on the Lipitor commercials!
He’s staying with Lydia until he can find a townhouse of his own. And today he’s taking me and Lydia and Edna Lindstrom to lunch at the clubhouse. Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?
Must run and get dressed.
Love and XXX,
Mom
To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: Horrible News!
Horrible news, Lambchop. Lydia Pinkus’s brother, a retired physics professor, has moved to Tampa Vistas. What an insufferable gasbag. Yapping about black holes and antiquarks and bragging about how he used to be an amateur boxer. Big deal. I used to be on the varsity Ping-Pong team in college, but you don’t catch me bragging about it.
It’s bad enough having to put up with that battle axe Lydia. Now I have to put up with her gasbag brother, too. He’s taking your mom and Edna Lindstrom to lunch at the clubhouse today. Thank God I don’t have to go, too. If I had to hear one more story about quantum chromodynamics or the time Lester sparred with Sugar Ray Leonard, I swear I’d conk out head first in my chicken noodle soup.
But on the plus side, Lambchop, your mom is getting me a fantastic gift for Valentine’s Day. A genuine Belgian Army Knife. It’s just like a Swiss Army knife, only it comes with a built-in callus remover—and a free recipe for Belgian waffles!
More later. Gotta call and make reservations for Valentine’s dinner at Le Chateaubriand. It’s Tampa Vistas’s most exclusive restaurant, you know.
Love ’n’ hugs from,
Daddy
P.S. I think Lester Pinkus has a “thing” for your mom. I’ve caught him staring at her when he thought I wasn’t looking.
To: Jausten
From: Shoptillyoudrop
Subject: Silliest Thing You Ever Heard
Forgot to tell you, sweetheart. Daddy thinks Lester Pinkus has a crush on me. Isn’t that the silliest thing you ever heard?
XOXO,
Mom
To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: Gasbag Romeo
Unsettling news, Lambchop. I just happened to be walking by the clubhouse restaurant a while ago, and you’ll never guess what I saw! Lester Pinkus holding hands with your mom! What did I tell you? I knew that gasbag Romeo was up to no good!
Love ’n’ snuggles from
Your very irate,
Daddy
To: Jausten
From: Shoptillyoudrop
Subject: The Death of Me Yet
I swear, honey, your father will be the death of me yet. He thinks Lester Pinkus and I were holding hands in the clubhouse dining room! Of all the absurd ideas! It turns out Lester studied palm reading in Nepal (such a multi-talented man!) and was giving us all palm readings. He told Edna she had an extra-long life line, and saw wonderful things in her future. She was so excited, she almost forgot to go back for seconds at the buffet. Anyhow, just as it was my turn to get my palm read, Daddy showed up. He claims he just happened to be walking by. Oh, puh-leese. I know your Daddy, and he was spying on us! Now he thinks Lester Pinkus was holding my hand!
I can’t write any more now, darling. I’m way too upset.
Yours, desperately in need of Oreos—
Mom
To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: Sadly Mistaken
If Lester Pinkus thinks he can woo your mother away from me, he’s sadly mistaken. I still haven’t gotten around to making those reservations at Le Chateaubriand, but when I do, I’m going to get the best table in the house and show your mom what a true Romeo is made of.
XXX,
Daddy
P.S. Did I tell you my Belgian Army Knife comes with built-in nose hair trimmers? Cool, huh?
Chapter 3
T he Case of the Missing
He’s staying with Lydia until he can find a townhouse of his own. And today he’s taking me and Lydia and Edna Lindstrom to lunch at the clubhouse. Isn’t that the sweetest thing ever?
Must run and get dressed.
Love and XXX,
Mom
To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: Horrible News!
Horrible news, Lambchop. Lydia Pinkus’s brother, a retired physics professor, has moved to Tampa Vistas. What an insufferable gasbag. Yapping about black holes and antiquarks and bragging about how he used to be an amateur boxer. Big deal. I used to be on the varsity Ping-Pong team in college, but you don’t catch me bragging about it.
It’s bad enough having to put up with that battle axe Lydia. Now I have to put up with her gasbag brother, too. He’s taking your mom and Edna Lindstrom to lunch at the clubhouse today. Thank God I don’t have to go, too. If I had to hear one more story about quantum chromodynamics or the time Lester sparred with Sugar Ray Leonard, I swear I’d conk out head first in my chicken noodle soup.
But on the plus side, Lambchop, your mom is getting me a fantastic gift for Valentine’s Day. A genuine Belgian Army Knife. It’s just like a Swiss Army knife, only it comes with a built-in callus remover—and a free recipe for Belgian waffles!
More later. Gotta call and make reservations for Valentine’s dinner at Le Chateaubriand. It’s Tampa Vistas’s most exclusive restaurant, you know.
Love ’n’ hugs from,
Daddy
P.S. I think Lester Pinkus has a “thing” for your mom. I’ve caught him staring at her when he thought I wasn’t looking.
To: Jausten
From: Shoptillyoudrop
Subject: Silliest Thing You Ever Heard
Forgot to tell you, sweetheart. Daddy thinks Lester Pinkus has a crush on me. Isn’t that the silliest thing you ever heard?
XOXO,
Mom
To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: Gasbag Romeo
Unsettling news, Lambchop. I just happened to be walking by the clubhouse restaurant a while ago, and you’ll never guess what I saw! Lester Pinkus holding hands with your mom! What did I tell you? I knew that gasbag Romeo was up to no good!
Love ’n’ snuggles from
Your very irate,
Daddy
To: Jausten
From: Shoptillyoudrop
Subject: The Death of Me Yet
I swear, honey, your father will be the death of me yet. He thinks Lester Pinkus and I were holding hands in the clubhouse dining room! Of all the absurd ideas! It turns out Lester studied palm reading in Nepal (such a multi-talented man!) and was giving us all palm readings. He told Edna she had an extra-long life line, and saw wonderful things in her future. She was so excited, she almost forgot to go back for seconds at the buffet. Anyhow, just as it was my turn to get my palm read, Daddy showed up. He claims he just happened to be walking by. Oh, puh-leese. I know your Daddy, and he was spying on us! Now he thinks Lester Pinkus was holding my hand!
I can’t write any more now, darling. I’m way too upset.
Yours, desperately in need of Oreos—
Mom
To: Jausten
From: DaddyO
Subject: Sadly Mistaken
If Lester Pinkus thinks he can woo your mother away from me, he’s sadly mistaken. I still haven’t gotten around to making those reservations at Le Chateaubriand, but when I do, I’m going to get the best table in the house and show your mom what a true Romeo is made of.
XXX,
Daddy
P.S. Did I tell you my Belgian Army Knife comes with built-in nose hair trimmers? Cool, huh?
Chapter 3
T he Case of the Missing
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