Just a Couple of Days Read Free Page A

they can survive outer space until they meander across another planet. The beautiful part of it is that they’ll only self-replicate—reproduce, that is—if there’s life on the planet. That’s what fungi do. They’re really more like animals in that they live off the energy and nutrients of other life-forms. So, the spores won’t germinate until and unless there’s life on the planet. If there is life on the planet, it germinates and fruits.” He held up his mushroom. “And don’t you think the mushroom cap looks suspiciously like some sort of antenna or transmitting device?”
    I shook my head more in amusement than necessary
disagreement, although his reasoning was certainly absurd. “It’s an interesting theory.”
    â€œIt’s very interesting,” Blip nodded gravely, scrutinizing the mushroom in his hand. “But it’s not a theory.”
    I marveled at the internal validity of his figments, and that all of it was inspired by a few stray remarks of some college student. “So do you always eavesdrop on other people’s conversations?”
    â€œOf course!” He tossed the mushroom aside. “There’s nothing better than walking around catching little snippets of the conversations of others. You wouldn’t believe how many different things are being talked about out there, and all at the same time. Hell, I hope someone else heard what I was saying and spreads the word.” He paused, waiting for an approaching student to draw near. “Little snippets of conversation,” Blip spoke to me as the student passed. Blip broke into a smile so broad the corners of his mouth were patting him on the back. “Little snippets of conversation,” he said to me again as an uptight-looking woman walked by. She put on her headphones.
    â€œCome on,” I said, growing irritated with my best friend–cum-lunatic. “Let’s see what’s going on over there.” I pointed to the crowd, which had grown to be quite large and raucous.
    Blip eyed the crowd warily. “Yes, let’s do that.” He led the way immediately, as determined as Don Quixote embarking on yet another fool quest. True to form, he stumbled as he strode off the sidewalk onto the grass, then yet again over an exposed root of the tree the squirrel had darted up earlier. The squirrel, sitting on a branch above him fluffing its tail, seemed to laugh at Blip’s lack of grace before leaping and skipping along ever smaller boughs and twigs until it was in the limbs of another
tree. There it stopped and turned around, just in time to see me, captivated by this rodent’s gymnastic ability, stumble over the very same root.
    Â 
    3 “Hearken unto the Lo-ord, all ye fornicating heathens! Jeyzus is coming!” A preacher, wearing a T-shirt with read the bible printed on the front and druid hills baptist church on the back, stood in the middle of the crowd, hollering about hell and gesticulating like an inept stage magician all the while. “Jeyzus hates this copulating campus, all you whoremongers and masturbators!” His ranting canting delivery was constantly interrupted by heckles from the mass of students gathered, but he was nonetheless thoroughly enjoying himself. This was very clear. I had seen him on the Green before, and he seemed to thrive off the ricochets of his damnations and denunciations like any sadist grinning at the blood spattering off his whip.
    â€œJesus said, Judge not lest you be judged yourself,” 1 a female student bleated, attempting to argue with the preacher.
    â€œHe was not referring to those of us without
sin
!” the preacher boomed back. “
I
, Brother Zebediah, am without sin, ladies and gentlemen.
I
have entered the Kingdom of Heaven, and
I
am here to tell everyone in this infected flock that you are heading straight for the lake of . . .” He rotated his arm as if playing an