It's a Love Thing Read Free Page B

not
going crazy,” it said, trying to reassure me. But a six-inch, or
rather a five-and-a-half inch, figment of my imagination telling me
I wasn't crazy didn’t reassure me.
    I ran into the bathroom and began
splashing cold water on my face and slapping my cheeks, hard. When
I turned around, much to my dismay, there she hovered.
    “ I’m trying to tell you,
you’re not crazy.” Her impossibly delicate wings fluttered softly
as she spoke. “This happens every time. I told Jaxton there had to
be a better way to prepare our clients, but he won’t listen to
me.”
    I didn’t know what to ask first. Who
Jaxton was, or who her clients were, though I had a pretty good
idea on the second one.
    I decided on the first question.
“Wh-who’s Jaxton?”
    “ Jaxton Williams is the
head faery in my department. All orders have to go through him. He
coordinates our assignments and decides who goes where. He also
runs the computer simulations to try and predict the best fit for
each human and faery.”
    “ Best fit?”
    “ Yes. We are assigned to
the person who is the most physically repulsive to us. That’s why I
was assigned to you.”
    Okay, that is just plain rude.
    “ Jaxton is the best
coordinator we’ve had in a long while. He hasn’t missed yet in
pairing the right faery with the right human,” she cooed softly. If
I had to hazard a guess, I would say she had a crush on this Jaxton
Williams. "We usually don't allow female-male pairings. We work
quite closely with our human and it's too easy to fall in love.
We've lost many a good faery that way. So sad." She shook her tiny
head. "Anyway, Jaxton estimates the chance of you and me falling in
love at point zero-zero-zero-one. And after meeting you, I do
believe that number is a little high," she said with a
snort.
    “ Alright, faery girl,
let’s—”
    “ Tinkanova-Marie
Bellitoinski,” she smiled. She looked rather sweet when she smiled.
If I lost my mind, at least I’d have something cute to look at in
my padded cell.
    “ Listen, Tinker
Bell—"
    "Don't call me Tinker Bell," she
snapped.
    Whatever. "Let’s say I believe you.
Let’s say I'm not losing my mind, and a six, I mean,
five-and-a-half inch faery really does exist. Why exactly am I
being paired, as you put it, with a faery?”
    She dropped a few inches, a frown now
hung on her face. “Ah, well, I’ve been instructed to help improve
your social skills and to clean you up, which, by the way is the
first thing you’ll be doing. You stink.” She pinched her little
nose again and pointed to the shower with her other tiny
hand.
    I got the feeling she knew
more than she let on, and wanted to ask her what exactly that was,
but then I remembered: SHE DOESN’T REALLY EXIST! I decided not to
push the delusion. I mean, seriously, why did it matter? I should
be wondering where the padded cell was that I’d be spending the
next several years in. Man, I hope my
family will visit me.
    “ Sorry, delusion, I’m not
getting into the shower. I’m tired and need sleep. Hopefully, after
a good long nap, these hallucinations will disappear, and I’ll be
cured." I waved a hand at the hot faery. “Good night, Tinker Bell.
I’m going back to bed.”
    I was halfway down the hall toward my
room before the electrifying zaps began.
    “ I. Told. You! Don’t. Call.
Me. Tinker Bell!” With each word she jabbed her wand at me. Little
sparks flew out the end and hit my body, repeatedly.
    “ Stop doing that, you
obnoxious five-and-a-half inch demon!”
    Oops, I shouldn’t have said that. She
froze in midair, sucking in a huge breath. I’m a dead man. A
delusional dead man, but a dead man all the same. Is it possible to
die at the hands of a delusion?
    “ I am not a demon! For your
information, demons are two feet high and covered in hair, you
narrow-minded troll.” She folded her arms. I slumped against the
wall, grateful to have escaped my faux pas with my life.
    “ Get into the shower.
Now!”
    Okay, enough was