Infinite Devotion Read Free Page A

carried out. I don’t feel right staying in the Sforza palace and decide to go back to where I always go in times of difficulty: the convent of San Sisto in Rome where I was raised. The peace of San Sisto, with all its fragrant herb gardens, nuns’ ethereal songs, and serene church bells, puts my soul at ease like no other place. Something here reminds me of the time I wished I belonged to‌—‌something so different than the pretentious court in which I now am forced to live‌—‌something of a world I’d left behind.
    It’s three days before my father’s messenger appears as I’m embroidering by the window in my room. He’s a handsome youth close to my age. His hat falls off as he kneels to me and tries to hand me the letter, but I push it away.
    “His Holiness has sent me everywhere to find you,” he says, trying to catch his breath. “You didn’t request his permission.”
    “His Holiness should’ve known I would come here,” I say without looking down.
    “If I had a daughter as lovely as you, I wouldn’t let her out of my sight either.”
    Softening with his flattery, I gaze down onto sparkling grey-blue eyes and a glowing smile that breaks my defenses.
    “Will you read me the letter?”
    “Perotto is at your service.”
    He breaks the seal, opens it up, and reads:
My most cherished daughter,
I am greatly displeased you left without notifying me of your destination. It has caused me much grief to send my messengers out to find you. I know you are facing a difficult time but if you keep with our plan, both you and Cesare will be in better position. Sforza is protected in Pesaro, and we cannot bring him to court to sign the annulment. We need you to go to Rome to bring him where we can influence him. I promise this will all be over soon. Lucrezia, please return with the messenger.

Your devoted father
    Perotto folds the letter back up and puts it inside his satchel. “Shall I tell your ladies to start to gather your things?”
    “I’m going nowhere.”
    He looks surprised. “But His Holiness has forgiven you; there’s no need to fear coming back to Rome.”
    “I don’t fear the Holy Father. I’m staying because this is where I choose to be.”
    The thought of walking into those papal courts and making false accusations causes my palms to sweat. Perotto sits down on the footstool in front of me, removes some paper from his satchel, and licks his quill.
    “What message does your beatitude wish to send back to my master?”
“Dearest father,
I am staying and becoming a nun. I cannot do what is required of me and have failed you and Cesare both. Please forgive me and let me be.

Your Daughter,
Lucrezia”
    Perotto tucks my letter away and gets up to leave. “It’ll be a great shame to hide that golden hair under a habit.”
    I say nothing as he leaves. He comes back with yet another letter from Father a week later. I’m happy he sends Perotto back. I’ve dressed up every day for the week, expecting him to return. As he walks in, he bows at my feet and reaches to kiss my hand. He does so, so softly and slowly that blood rushes to my cheeks.
    He stands. “Would the lady like me to read again?”
    I nod and sit on the footstool as he kneels in front of me, very close.
Beloved Daughter,
Your letter caused me such stress that I fell ill and needed a bloodletting to bring me back to health. If you love me, you will return at once. The convent is not your calling. We have many other things ahead for you, and the unpleasantness that lies ahead is only temporary. I have spoken with the mother superior, and she is not in my favor as she is allowing you to stay. I hope you will come to your senses and do what is right for your family.

Pope Alexander VI
    Perotto puts the letter away and stares at me. “Do you wish to write him a response?”
    “No, it would be the same reply.”
    I walk to the window, and he moves with me.
    “Do you get lonely here?”
    “I have my ladies and the nuns.