In Ruins Read Free Page B

own college, but I am. I’m so fucking sorry .
    Tucker slams his palm into the brick wall behind me in frustration, right beside my cheek, the sound making me jump. “Goddamn it, Carl! You don’t leave a bar alone at night, ever . You hear me?” He is furious.
    I blink at him in surprise. Not at his wrath, but at what’s caused it. He’s right of course, but he hates me, so why does he even care?
    But deep down I know why. What happened to Rory that night last spring traumatized us all, and I should know better.
    “I’m sorry.” I finally whisper the words.
    “You’re sorry a lot lately, aren’t you?” Tucker sneers, and I wince.
    But he’s right, and I don’t have a comeback. I study my sandals instead. I don’t even recognize myself anymore.
    “Why were you talking to Ben?”
    I shake my head. “I wasn’t. He just…his friend was being a jerk and I guess he felt responsible.” I shrug.
    Tucker inhales, slow and purposeful, as if he needs to calm himself, and if I didn’t know without a doubt that he would never lay his hands on a girl, I might be afraid of him. He smells of beer and his sharply familiar aftershave, and the scent ignites a wave of heartache and a twinge of desire in equal measure.
    “You can handle a drunk Ricky Vance,” Tuck murmurs, and I realize he must have been watching me longer than I thought. “It’s Ben you need to stay away from,” he adds, and I meet his gaze, confused.
    “Seriously?” I ask him. I know our breakup was my fault, but he’s the one who broke up with me . He doesn’t get to tell me to stay away from guys, even if I have no intention of hooking up with anyone—even if I still only have eyes for him.
    “Seriously.” His tone is vaguely threatening, and I try not to—I really do—but my reaction is preconditioned. I only respond to threats one way—I rise to the challenge.
    “I’m pretty sure I’m single, Tucker. I don’t need to stay away from anyone.”
    Tucker sucks in air through gritted teeth, and I wait for him to blow up. To yell at me and tell me I’m impossible. To get frustrated past his limits until he can’t stop himself from kissing me.
    But we’re not us anymore. He doesn’t want me anymore. He doesn’t even like me anymore. And before I’m even conscious of the fact that I was trying to suck him into our old routine, Tucker takes a step back.
    He shakes his head, glaring at me with utter disgust, and I think he’ll turn and go back to the bar, but instead he just walks to the street and hails a taxi.
    “Get in,” he demands, opening the door.
    I stare at him in desperation, and I want so much to take it back. To tell him I have no interest in Ben. That I only want him. That I have only ever wanted him.
    But even if I could form those words, they would do no good. What’s done is done.
    “In!” Tucker growls, and I obey.
    It’s so unlike me, but I owe him at least that. And so I help him make me disappear, so he can get back to his night.
    I check my phone and find Devin’s worried texts, and when I read that she’s out looking for me, I text her that I drank too much but I’m fine, and for her to go back to the bar or to take a cab home—not to walk home alone. God, I’d never forgive myself if something happened to her because of me.
    She gets home only about ten minutes after I do, and I pretend to be asleep, my face hidden under my blanket so she can’t hear my pathetic weeping.

Chapter Two
Carleigh
    Eleventh Grade
    The bell rings, shrill and promising, indicating the beginning of summer break and the end of my junior year of high school. Twelve years down, one to go, and then college. Freedom .
    It’s going to be a long year.
    I make my way to the student lot, stopping to chat about tonight with Lily and Sarah. I wait for Tina on the concrete steps, where wannabe rebellious seniors celebrate by lighting cigarettes on school property now that expulsion is off the table for them.
    I glance at the time on my