I’m Special Read Free Page A

do it! Now stop making him feel bad and let him go!”
    â€œYes, he can. He can’t just walk away from everything without trying,” he’d yell. “Ryan, focus on the broom!”
    â€œRyan, come to me!” she’d beckon, her arms outstretched. I’d move toward her.
    â€œDon’t even think about it, mister! Get back here right now.”
    â€œDon’t listen to Daddy. Come to me!”
    Sometimes my father would win and successfully force me to finish the chore. Sometimes he’d lose. No matter the outcome, though, my parents would end up furious at each other. Would you be surprised if I told you they filed for divorce when I was eight? No, of course you wouldn’t, because everyone’s parents are divorced now. Save for the occasional memory of my parents fighting over me, I don’t even really remember mine being together. All I know is our family was in trouble before they’d split—we’d filed for bankruptcy and our house was in foreclosure. It was a place we were never able to afford, nestled in the hills of suburbia with a deck in the backyard that overlooked a sprawling barranca. We moved there because my sister was getting teased in our old neighborhood and my parents wanted to live somewhere she could make friends. It may seem like an extreme reaction to bullying, but this is a normal thing to do now. A child gets teased by her neighbor, so her parents sell the house and move into one they can’t pay for. Duh.
    I love my mom and dad, though. So much. My mom, in particular, was just born to be a mom. She’s that good. Even though I’ve been financially independent from my parents for years, my mom and I share a bank account so she can write my checks and make sure my bills get paid on time. She also handles my taxes and deals with any issues I have with my health insurance. I tell myself that I let her do these things because it makes her feel needed, but I’m also just a spoiled brat who’s used to having things done for him. And you’d think with all this codependency I would be calling my mom 24/7, but I’m not. In fact, when we do talk, the conversation usually goes something like this:
    â€œHi, honey,” my mom coos into the phone. “What are you doing?”
    â€œNothing,” I say curtly. “Actually, I’m, uh, really busy. What’s up?”
    â€œOh, just doing some housework. So today I was at the post office and this annoying woman was in front of me with a package, and you wouldn’t believe—”
    â€œMom, I have to go. Sorry.”
    â€œWhat? Why?”
    â€œI’m swamped with work,” I tell her. I’m actually Googling pictures of Kirsten Dunst and Jake Gyllenhaal from when they were a couple in the early 2000s.
    â€œYou can’t even talk to me for a second?”
    â€œUh, no.”
    Then she starts to sound sad and then I get annoyed that she’s sad and the conversation ends on a sour note. Then the strangest thing happens. I become racked with guilt and immediately want to call her back to say, “Oh my God, Mom. I love you so much. I’m sorry for that last conversation. Please finish your story about the woman in the post office. I must know how it ends!”
    How does one go from feeling complete annoyance to overwhelming obsession in the click of a dial tone? A lot of my friends also have the same kind of contradictory relationship with their parents. We’re obsessed and can’t live without them. We’re so happy that we have perspective now and can apologize for how badly we treated them when we were teenagers. But, oh my God, they’re calling me and I just can’t deal with hearing their voice right now. I really was just looking forward to having an easy day with no drama, you know? Love them so much, though. I hope they still keep calling me so I can ignore it and feel loved! My mother is my lifeline and I love her a