I’m Over All That Read Free Page A

than them.” He was an extremely intelligent man with total recall who didn’t need to spend much time memorizing lines or on character analysis. But his lumbering body language seemed to cover what he didn’t want exposed. He didn’t like to fight. Didn’t like to argue (he chose to pontificate instead), and where his ability to make important choices was concerned, I’d have to say he was an emotional coward. All of his physical body art, his voice, his point of view, while demonstrating his version of himself, actually served to cover his deepest secret—he couldn’t decide anything. He was essentially passive. Life happened to him. I happened to him. He rarely made anything happen.
    He had been a pinup favorite of mine when I was a teenager. I loved his huge body and his way of moving on screen; it looked as though he were striding under water. His angular face and protective arms made me swoon. So when he was cast as Jerry opposite me in Two for the Seesaw, I was granted the pleasure of getting to know my teenage dream, assessing him from a grown-up point of view. I fell for him deeply. One of the wonderful things about making movies is that you get to either burst the bubble of your own fantasies or keep them intact. With him I had a little of each, until I realized he was fascinating but not the right man for me. It’s probably a sign of maturity to go ahead and burst those bubbles—but it’s more fun to keep your fantasies intact if you can!
    A movie set is the most openhearted of environments in which to get to know someone and also, sometimes, to fall in love. First of all, the expression of human emotion is what a movie is about. So to that end each person cast understands that he or she needs to get to the bottom not only of the character but of him- or herself. Second, there is a lot of time in between setups to explore the feelings, conflicts, and insecurities of whomever you’re working with. Third, everyone on the set knows that whatever happens there stays there. The crew knows it, the actors know it, and so does the front office. Once you leave the set and do whatever you do in the real world, there is no such protection.
    So you have an environment where emotions are discussed and experimented with openly; there is a lot of time to indulge in exploring who you are, who you aren’t, and who you want to become; and you are protected from gossip because these are the rules of the game. And a game it is—like life—a game about the game of life. That’s why everyone on the outside wants to know about what happens on a set.
    When filming a love scene, if an aggressive actor takes off all of his clothes and jumps on top of the leading lady, who may or may not peel off hers in turn—the crew will go right on lighting and moving equipment, the director will wave his hand to keep filming and say, “Okay, this is good for the characters,” the publicist will roll his eyes and wonder how to deal with TMZ, the front office will immediately hear about it and start to gossip—and if the two underclad actors actually do like each other—who knows? Life is a movie anyway. (By the way, the above story really happened . . . and it’s happened among many co-stars . . . sometimes including me . . . but that’s another story.)
    What happens when some of the most beautiful people on earth are physically and emotionally close is the topic that fills most of the tabloids every single week. It’s a rare and mature relationship that survives after the romance of the fantasy world of movie makeup is gone. I know. It happened to me quite often. Most husbands and wives of actors and actresses know it’s just a waiting game—if they can keep their jealousies under control and make patience the rule of the day.
    I think I loved studying the actors I was involved with because I had such a complicated father. I was attracted to men who were equally complicated. Trying to understand them gave me plenty to do. I was