Realtor thought, as though he wanted her own services in more ways than one. “I mean, will you bite my throat to drink my blood?” As an afterthought, he added, “And then I will bite Susan’s throat too, right?”
“No need for anything so…intimate,” Crina replied. “Unless, of course, you want it done that way…”
Seeing her female client shake her head decisively, she hurried on, “Nowadays I can give you some of the fluid that I keep in the fridge, if you prefer.” With her usual tact, she refrained from mentioning that the fluid in question was her own blood. “And I can serve it in genuine crystal glasses,” she added cheerfully, “which you may keep as a souvenir.”
“And there is no charge at all, even for the goblets?” the groom inquired in a suspicious tone.
“None at all! That would be against the federal law, not to mention the Realtor’s Code of Ethics. However, as Undead Americans, you would need special lodgings, and I could provide those for you…at my usual small percentage of the sales price.”
“We were hoping to start with a condo,” the bride said.
“Oh, no, no!” Crina replied, with a wave of her slim white hand. “You need something that would suit your needs…including a private lower level.”
That term, as her professional colleagues had always told her, was much more elegant than basement or cellar …even though it was obviously needed by vampires, no matter what they called it.
* * * *
As tactfully as always, she did not tell them exactly why they would need a lower level. Instead, she looked for listings that met her new clients’ requirements…namely, single-family houses with finished lower levels and no mirrors on any of the walls.
What’s more, she knew that those lower levels must be without windows to keep out both the sun and the nosy neighbors. Above all, there must be plenty of room for two caskets. And she had one home listed in mind that would truly fill the bill.
* * * *
“This is a true classic red-brick colonial,” she enthused, as she shepherded them through the pillared front door. “As you can see, the dining and living rooms are on either side of the entrance hall, and the stairway goes down to the lower level.” As she spoke, she opened the door that led downstairs and they obediently followed her.
“As you can see, this level is luxuriously carpeted, and it includes a built-in TV and wet bar,” she enthused. “That TV could show programs all night long, if you are inclined to watch them…and the wet bar could be stocked with bottles from the blood bank. Don’t you agree that it meets your needs?”
“I am afraid it would not meet our budget,” the groom objected. As always, Crina waved that objection away. “You forget your mortgage,” she reminded them. “And it can be a very, very, very long-term loan. Centuries, in fact.” At the thought, the couple clutched each other’s hands and smiled happily at each other.
“But what about all those mirrors?” he asked, his smile fading. “When I looked into the living room, I saw that there was a very large one, covering an entire wall. And that might be rather…unwelcome.”
It certainly would be, she thought…since you could no longer see your own reflections in it. Mentally, she cursed the foolish owner who had neglected to take it down, or at least to cover the space with a mural painting.
“Well, this is only the first home we have looked at,” she told them, in her most cheerful tone. “If you want something more daring than the usual Northern Virginia colonial style, how about a split level or a Tudor?
“It would be an authentic Tudor, too…since I know the man who owns it, and he was there when the first Tudor houses were built, shortly after King Henry Tudor the Seventh was crowned.”
They felt silent then, staring at each other in awe. Crina also saw a touch of horror in their eyes, as they realized how long their forever could
“No need for anything so…intimate,” Crina replied. “Unless, of course, you want it done that way…”
Seeing her female client shake her head decisively, she hurried on, “Nowadays I can give you some of the fluid that I keep in the fridge, if you prefer.” With her usual tact, she refrained from mentioning that the fluid in question was her own blood. “And I can serve it in genuine crystal glasses,” she added cheerfully, “which you may keep as a souvenir.”
“And there is no charge at all, even for the goblets?” the groom inquired in a suspicious tone.
“None at all! That would be against the federal law, not to mention the Realtor’s Code of Ethics. However, as Undead Americans, you would need special lodgings, and I could provide those for you…at my usual small percentage of the sales price.”
“We were hoping to start with a condo,” the bride said.
“Oh, no, no!” Crina replied, with a wave of her slim white hand. “You need something that would suit your needs…including a private lower level.”
That term, as her professional colleagues had always told her, was much more elegant than basement or cellar …even though it was obviously needed by vampires, no matter what they called it.
* * * *
As tactfully as always, she did not tell them exactly why they would need a lower level. Instead, she looked for listings that met her new clients’ requirements…namely, single-family houses with finished lower levels and no mirrors on any of the walls.
What’s more, she knew that those lower levels must be without windows to keep out both the sun and the nosy neighbors. Above all, there must be plenty of room for two caskets. And she had one home listed in mind that would truly fill the bill.
* * * *
“This is a true classic red-brick colonial,” she enthused, as she shepherded them through the pillared front door. “As you can see, the dining and living rooms are on either side of the entrance hall, and the stairway goes down to the lower level.” As she spoke, she opened the door that led downstairs and they obediently followed her.
“As you can see, this level is luxuriously carpeted, and it includes a built-in TV and wet bar,” she enthused. “That TV could show programs all night long, if you are inclined to watch them…and the wet bar could be stocked with bottles from the blood bank. Don’t you agree that it meets your needs?”
“I am afraid it would not meet our budget,” the groom objected. As always, Crina waved that objection away. “You forget your mortgage,” she reminded them. “And it can be a very, very, very long-term loan. Centuries, in fact.” At the thought, the couple clutched each other’s hands and smiled happily at each other.
“But what about all those mirrors?” he asked, his smile fading. “When I looked into the living room, I saw that there was a very large one, covering an entire wall. And that might be rather…unwelcome.”
It certainly would be, she thought…since you could no longer see your own reflections in it. Mentally, she cursed the foolish owner who had neglected to take it down, or at least to cover the space with a mural painting.
“Well, this is only the first home we have looked at,” she told them, in her most cheerful tone. “If you want something more daring than the usual Northern Virginia colonial style, how about a split level or a Tudor?
“It would be an authentic Tudor, too…since I know the man who owns it, and he was there when the first Tudor houses were built, shortly after King Henry Tudor the Seventh was crowned.”
They felt silent then, staring at each other in awe. Crina also saw a touch of horror in their eyes, as they realized how long their forever could
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