If You Could See Me Now Read Free

understood Elizabeth’s ways, he obediently respected her wishes and contained his playing to the one room she had dedicated to his needs.
    “Luke, who’s Ivan?” Elizabeth asked, eyes darting around the room. “You know you can’t be bringing strangers home,” she said, worried.
    “He’s my new friend,” Luke replied, zombie-like, not moving his eyes from the beefed-up wrestler body-slamming his opponent on the screen.
    “You know I insist on meeting your friends first before you bring them home. Where is he?” she questioned, pushing open the door and stepping into Luke’s space. She hoped to god that this friend would be better than the last little terror, who had decided to draw a picture of his happy family in Magic Marker on her wall, which had since been painted over.
    “Over there.” Luke nodded his head in the direction of the window, still not budging his eyes.
    Elizabeth walked toward the window and looked out at the front garden. She crossed her arms. “Is he hiding?”
    Luke pressed pause on his computer keypad and finally moved his eyes away from the two wrestlers on the screen. His face crinkled in confusion.
    “He’s right there!” He pointed toward the beanbag at Elizabeth’s feet.
    Elizabeth’s eyes widened as she stared at the beanbag. “Where?”
    “Right there,” he repeated.
    Elizabeth blinked back at him. She raised her arms questioningly.
    “Beside you, on the beanbag.” Luke’s voice became louder with his anxiety. He stared at the yellow corduroy beanbag with intensity, as though willing his friend to appear.
    Elizabeth followed his gaze.
    “See him?” He dropped the control pad and got quickly to his feet.
    This was followed by a tense silence and Elizabeth could feel Luke’s hatred for her emanating from his body. She could tell what he was thinking: Why couldn’t she just see him, why couldn’t she just play along just this once, why couldn’t she ever pretend? She swallowed the lump in her throat and looked around the room to see if she really was missing his friend in some way. Nothing.
    She leaned down to be on an even level with Luke and her knees cracked loudly in the silent room. “There’s no one else but you and me in this room,” she whispered softly. Somehow saying it quietly made it easier. Easier for herself or Luke, she didn’t know.
    Luke’s cheeks flushed and his chest heaved faster. He stood in the center of the room, surrounded by computer keypad wires, with his little hands down by his sides, looking helpless. Elizabeth’s heart hammered in her chest. Please do not be like your mother, please do not be like your mother. She knew only too well how the world of fantasy could steal you away.
    Finally Luke exploded and stared into space. “Ivan, say something to her!”
    There was a silence as Luke looked into space and then giggled hysterically. He looked back at Elizabeth and his smile quickly faded when he noticed her lack of response. “Do you not see him?” he squealed nervously, then more angrily repeated, “Why don’t you see him?”
    “OK, OK!” Elizabeth tried not to panic. She stood up back to her own level. A level where she had control. She couldn’t see him and her brain refused to let her pretend. She wanted to get out of the room quickly. She lifted her leg to step over the beanbag and stopped herself, instead choosing to walk around it. Once at the door, she glanced around one last time to see if she could spot the mystery Ivan. No sign.
    Luke shrugged back into space, sat down, and continued playing his wrestling game.
    “I’m putting some pizza on now, Luke.”
    Silence. What else should she say? It was at moments like this she realized that reading all the parenting manuals in the world never helped. Good parenting came from the heart, was instinctive, and not for the first time she worried she was letting Luke down.
    “It will be ready in twenty minutes,” she finished awkwardly.
    “What?” Luke pressed pause and