Honky Tonk Samurai (Hap and Leonard) Read Free Page B

to get a fine for animal abuse and resisting arrest, but he could still throw some stink around.”
    “Give Hap some wheat bread,” Leonard said. “He’ll match him out, I bet you.”
    “I’m serious,” Marvin said. “Could be some court stuff coming up.”
    “I don’t know about court,” Leonard said, “but I know how it worked out on his lawn. Not too well.”
    “We were bullies,” I said.
    “No,” Marvin said. “We were the Fresh Fists of Vengeance.”
    “To be precise,” Leonard said, “you were the Slap and Backhand of Vengeance.”
    “Don’t forget the knee,” I said.
    “Yeah, and the knee,” Leonard said. “But that lacks a certain ring.”
    “What’s the legal damage?” I asked Marvin.
    “For me or for you guys?” Marvin asked.
    “Give us the whole package,” Leonard said.
    “Well, the police officer saw him attack me,” Marvin said.
    “Yeah, well, all right,” I said. “Should we say we saw him attack you, too?”
    “That would be handy,” Marvin said. “But the lady next door saw it all happen, and she filmed it on her cell-phone camera. Got word of that on the way over. She called it in.”
    “Of course she did,” I said, having expected just that sort of thing.
    “But she said she didn’t film the part where Leonard knocked cheese dick around, and she didn’t film me slapping the poo out of him. She’s just got the part where he kicked the dog. Said she thought he looked as if he was going to attack you two, and then me, so she put the blame on him.”
    “She’s such a sweet liar,” I said.
    “Yeah,” Marvin said. “And she’s an old lady and looks very trustworthy, I hear. A little crusty, but all right, I think. I just got my description from Officer Curt Carroll, who had to drive back over there. He said the man who owned the dog was out on the lawn on his hands and knees looking for his missing teeth, thought maybe if he put them in ice they could be put back in. He’s one of those guys thinks he knows all manner of shit but couldn’t tell the difference between shit and wild honey.”
    “Very convenient the old lady looks trustworthy,” Leonard said. “As for ass wipe, I hope he doesn’t find his teeth.”
    “How many was he missing?” I said. “I only saw one.”
    “Two, I think,” Marvin said. “Anyway, Gummy, as I like to think of him, isn’t pressing charges. He at first had a different point of view, but I pointed out you guys were just good Samaritans who saw an animal mistreated and went to help. I think he bought that. There’s some truth in it, but then there’s that whole lying part about how we were attacked.”
    “He did swing at me,” Leonard said.
    “We’ll let that count for something,” Marvin said. “Thing is, he’s done, you’re safe, so am I, and besides, I’m the police chief.”
    “You were just trying to frighten us with that stuff about how he might want his dog back, weren’t you?”
    “Just a little,” Marvin said. “I have to get my licks in on you guys somehow. You’ve certainly given me enough grief.”
    “There’s a little something we’re all curious about,” I said. “How did that whole police chief thing happen? We work for you, you know—seems that would have come up.”
    “Does, doesn’t it?” he said. “But it didn’t. And I’ll tell you why. I thought maybe I was being foolish, trying to get back on the cops. But now my leg’s healed up and I’m able to work and I had a good record there, and better yet, the city council came to me. Seems they can’t keep police chiefs or officers. They change all the time. They got a lot of quitters, one in jail for this or that. By the way, you know they painted the jail pink and make the convicts wear pink jumpsuits now?”
    I held up my hand. “Been there, wore a jumpsuit.”
    “Pink,” Hanson said.
    “Yep, and a little loose-fitting, I thought, though more attractive than you might think. Comfortable because it was loose, I guess. The