Here and Now Read Free Page A

myself over my balcony. That would kill me. And there was no coming back from that.
    I didn’t see her at work but I made sure we didn’t run into each other. Instead of taking the elevator every morning, I took the stairwell in the back of the building. The twenty-six stories were a bitch to climb, but it was far better than seeing Cassandra. I knew she would look beautiful and I would lose my will to stay away from her. I’d get on my knees and beg her to come back to me. So, I definitely had to take the stairs.
    She and I didn’t work directly with each other so there was no reason for us to bump into each other during the workday, unless she purposely wanted to see me. Every time my offi ce door opened, I wished it was her. I fantasized about us getting back together so many times. But the more time passed, the more I knew it would never happen.
    Scarlet had lunch with me every day but we didn’t talk. I didn’t have anything to say, and if I did, I would just sound like an ass. But it was nice having her there. Her quiet sounds of mastication reminded me I wasn’t alone. She talked about Andrew and the housemaid Olga, getting my mind off Cassandra for a while. She spoke even when I didn’t respond. I was thankful there was no pressure.
    I got a new gym. It was close to my new apartment so it was more convenient anyway. My old membership wasn’t even over but I didn’t care. I couldn’t go there anymore. If I saw Cassandra wearing a skimpy outfit, I’d lose my self-control and take her right in the middle of the weight room.
    I’d been drinking a lot. Water was obsolete and hard to come by in my apartment. I had a lot of beer and even more hard liquor. It helped me sleep at night. Without her next to me, I felt cold and uncomfortable. I got a white noise machine to replace the musical sighs she made during her dreams. But it wasn’t the same.
    I went out with my friends for a few beers. Between them and my family, they were keeping me occupied so I didn’t feel so alone.
    “You doing okay, buddy?” Cameron asked as he pushed a beer toward me.
    I shrugged. “Yeah.”
    He s ipped his beer then eyed the people in the bar. “She hasn’t called?”
    “No.”
    Kirk gave me a sympathetic look. “Maybe it’s best if it didn’t work out. She had a bunch of problems with her ex anyway. And if she did agree to marry you, who says she wouldn’t get scared and just divorce you? It sounds like more work than it was really worth.”
    “Maybe,” I said with a shrug. I was willing to listen to anything to make me feel better at this point.
    Kirk nudged my side. “You’re a good-looking guy and you’re loaded. You’ll find someone else eventually.”
    “I don’t want anyone else,” I said with more depression than I meant.
    “Look,” Cameron said. “Tap a bunch of girls and get Cassandra out of your system. When you’re feeling better, look for a future wife. You don’t need to rush anything right now. And have some fun while you’re doing it. ” He winked at me. “And we all know you know how to do that.”
    “I can’t .”
    “Why?” Kirk asked. “What’s the problem?”
    “I don’t know,” I said with a sigh. “I just can’t.”
    Cameron shook his head. “You’re hoping Cassandra comes back, and you don’t want to sleep with anyone else just in case she does.”
    I didn’t deny it.
    “Dude, it’s been over a month. It’s not going to happen.” Kirk gave me a firm look. “I know this is hard for you, but she’s not coming back—ever. You need to move on.”
    “It doesn’t feel right…”
    “Which is why I’m telling you to fuck a bunch of pussy until you feel better. When you start picturing yourself with other women, you’ll be able to get over her.”
    “But isn’t that wrong?” I said. “To use women?”
    He raised an eyebrow. “Dude, stop being a girl. There are plenty of women who want to be used. Just be honest with your intentions and you won’t feel