Harvest of War Read Free Page B

last week. Thank God she’s all right.’
    â€˜I wish she’d come home. Can’t you write and tell her to get on the first ship?’
    â€˜I can write, but it won’t do any good. You know that as well as I do.’
    The gong sounded for dinner and they went in to join their fellow officers, who were all delighted to see Ralph back. After that there was little time for private conversation.
    Three days later, as he left the dining room after dinner, Tom was sent for by the colonel. ‘You’re not going to like this, old man, but I’m afraid you’re being transferred.’
    â€˜Transferred? Where to?’
    â€˜First Battalion are being moved to the area round Thiepval, near the River Somme. They’re very short of officers, so I’ve had orders to transfer you to them.’
    â€˜Why me?’ The words came out almost as a bleat.
    â€˜Don’t ask me.’ The CO shrugged. ‘God alone knows how the minds of those at HQ work. I’m sorry, old chap, but there it is.’
    â€˜When do I go?’
    â€˜First thing tomorrow.’
    Ralph was not in the drawing room, where the officers habitually assembled after dinner, and someone said they thought he had decided to have an early night. Depressed beyond words, Tom dragged himself upstairs to find him and give him the news. It seemed unjustly cruel that they should be separated when Ralph had only just got back. Reaching the corridor leading to the bedrooms, he was infuriated to see Louis coming out of Ralph’s room.
    â€˜Damn you!’ he exclaimed. ‘I told you to keep your filthy ideas to yourself.’
    The boy looked at him and sniggered. Then he reached into his pocket and held up a packet of English cigarettes. As Tom stared, he slipped past him, still sniggering, and ran down the stairs. Tom rapped briefly on Ralph’s door and walked in. Ralph was standing in front of the washstand with his trousers round his ankles, washing his genitals. He swung round as Tom entered, water splashing on the carpet.
    â€˜Damn it, Tom! Can’t a chap have any privacy? What do you want?’
    Tom stood and stared at him wordlessly. There was no doubt in his mind about what had been going on, and suddenly the whole idealized edifice he had built up since his adolescence came crashing down. Ralph glared at him for a moment, then reddened and turned away, pulling up his trousers.
    â€˜I don’t know what you’re thinking . . .’ His voice wavered uncertainly.
    â€˜I know,’ Tom said. ‘I know what has happened. That boy came to me a few days ago and made the same suggestion.’
    Ralph looked round. ‘You didn’t . . .?’
    â€˜No, of course I bloody didn’t!’
    There was a silence. Then Ralph, his back turned again, muttered, ‘Oh, Tom, I’m sorry. I hoped you’d never find out.’
    â€˜Find out? What?’
    â€˜What a weak, pathetic creature I am. I’ve tried, God knows I’ve tried. But there is something in me . . . something that yearns for . . . for . . .’
    â€˜For that? For that sordid business with a despicable creature like that boy?’
    â€˜No! No, you don’t understand. How could you? You’re so straight, so honest. We used to snigger about this sort of thing when we were at school and express contempt for those who fancied themselves in love with a pretty boy. Me, louder than anyone! Because I was terrified of what you might guess. I thought it would pass: that one day I would feel differently. But it hasn’t. I know that for men like me the only honourable course is abstinence . . . but I don’t have the strength.’ He turned to Tom, and his face was streaked with tears. ‘I need someone, Tom! I need some kind of human contact.’
    â€˜But why not come to me?’ Tom cried. ‘For God’s sake, Ralph, you didn’t have to suffer like this. If only I had known . .