Hamish X and the Cheese Pirates Read Free Page B

stepping forward and holding out his hand. The ODA agent merely looked at the proffered hand as if he’d never seen such a bizarre gesture before. Viggo nervously dropped it back to his side.
    â€œI am Agent Candy,” the grey man said in a surprisingly lyrical voice. Viggo had met agents before and puzzled over the accent they all shared, but he never managed to nail it down.
    â€œMay I introduce my associate, Agent Sweet.” Agent Candy gestured towards the other man dressed all in grey, identical in every way to Mr. Candy but perhaps an inch or two shorter.
    Their prisoner stood, swaying slightly with his head down. He seemed barely able to stand upright. Mrs. Francis asked, “What’s wrong with him? Is he sick?”

    Both agents swung their goggled faces to scrutinize Mrs. Francis. She regretted having spoken, wishing they would stop staring at her with those glittering, goggled eyes.
    â€œNot ill,” Mr. Candy chirped.
    â€œMerely under restraint.” Mr. Sweet held out his hand. Mr. Candy reached into a pocket of his great-coat and deposited a small, square piece of plastic into his colleague’s palm. Mr. Sweet tapped the square against each of the boy’s bracelets in turn and they immediately lost their glow, opening with a snap.

    Instantly the boy looked up. For a moment his eyes met Mrs. Francis’s, and she almost gasped. They were beautiful, a most extraordinary colour: pale gold rather than brown. And somehow, as they flicked away from her, she saw a strange reflective flash like a cat’s eye when a headlight catches it in the darkness.
    â€œWhere am I?” The boy looked around him in confusion. His eyes fixed on Viggo. “Who are you?”
    Viggo felt compelled to answer. “I’m Viggo Schmatz.”
    The boy grinned, showing all his teeth in a predatory glint that made Viggo’s stomach lurch. “The pleasure’s all yours, Viggo. I’m Hamish X!”

Chapter 3
    Viggo looked into those strange golden eyes and felt vaguely uncomfortable. Covering his discomfort with disdain, he curled his lip into a sneer. “Well, what an honour,” he said coldly. “The infamous Hamish X: scourge of orphanages the world over. In the flesh.”
    â€œWhat a treat for you, sir!” Hamish X smiled, gazing around the room as if taking an inventory. “Cheerful place you’ve got here, Viggo! Pity I won’t be staying long.” Hamish X looked down at his feet, lifting one boot and then the other. He smiled again.
    â€œImpudent pup,” snarled Hammerface, reaching for his baton, but Viggo raised a hand and the guard subsided.
    â€œYou will call me Mr. Schmatz,” Viggo said.
    Hamish X shrugged. “Whatever.”
    Mr. Candy ignored the boy. “He’s a thorn in the side of our organization.”
    â€œA pebble in our shoe, as it were,” added Mr. Sweet. “He’s escaped from every one of our high-security orphan containment facilities—the Orphan Pens in Tasmania, our Undersea Algae farms in the Baltic, the Corn Mines of Central Bolivia …”
    â€œThe Gobi Desert Synthetic Ice Cube Factories,” chimed in Mr. Candy.
    â€œIndeed, Mr. Candy, indeed,” Mr. Sweet nodded, head ducking like a pigeon’s. “He has managed to escape them all. Granted, we always manage to track him down again, but it’s an embarrassment …”
    â€œA nuisance.” This from Mr. Candy.

    â€œA distraction.” Mr. Sweet ducked his head again. “We are counting on you to put him in his place and keep him there. I hope our faith in you isn’t misplaced, Mr. Schmatz.”
    â€œSchmatz?” Hamish X said suddenly, “That’s a funny name.”
    â€œX?” Viggo snapped back. “That’s a stupid name. What is it? A family name?”
    Hamish X’s brow wrinkled. “At least it’s easy to spell.”
    A snort of laughter escaped from Mrs.