Ha! Read Free Page B

named for its punch line The Aristocrats , involves scatology, violence, and even incest, and though it has been around for decades, it’s almost never told in public because it’s literally the dirtiest joke in the world. After the setup—that a family walks into a talent agent’s office to describe a proposed act—the joke goes on to describe the most obscene performance possible, filled with sex and unspeakable taboo. The punch line, that the performers give their act the very proper title The Aristocrats , is less a traditional punch line than an opportunity to share a revolting setup.
    Though the audience was wary at first, as the obscenity escalated Gottfried’s commitment eventually won them over. Soon the crowd was roaring and many attendees, themselves performers with exceedingly high comedic standards, fell to the floor laughing. By the time the joke was over, some were guffawing so loudly that, as one journalist put it, it sounded as if Gottfried had performed a collective tracheotomy on the audience. The performance was so memorable that someone made a movie about the joke, with Gottfried’s performance as the climax, titled The Aristocrats. I implore you to look it up if you aren’t easily offended.
    Gottfried killed the rest of his performance and, at least partly because of that joke, is now considered a New York legend. He’s a comedian’s comedian, and the joke helped a lot more than just his career, if you take his word for it.
    â€œThe only reason America is standing today,” he claimed in an interview many years later, “is because I told that joke at the Hugh Hefner roast.”
    T ITANIC
    Our final laughter case study is more personal. Around Christmas of 1997, my wife Laura and I went to see the movie Titanic with my parents. It was a stressful time because we had just moved to Boston to start new jobs. But we wanted to see our families for the holidays, so we packed up the pets and drove to Florida to visit my parents, and as often happens when visiting family, by the second day we were already running out of things to do. Agreeing on a movie was difficult, but in the end we didn’t have much choice. One film was dominating theaters, with new showings starting nearly every hour. We were about to watch a movie about an iceberg.
    I don’t mean to give away any spoilers, but there’s a scene near the end of Titanic where Leonardo DiCaprio is freezing to death next to the sinking ship while Kate Winslet clings to a floating piece of debris. Leo is about to die, Kate has a renewed interest in life, and Kathy Bates is complaining in the distance that somebody needs to do something! Over two hours of love story has built up to this moment, and director James Cameron is playing it for all it’s worth. As I watched the tragic scene, I turned to look behind me and saw that every person in the audience was crying. Women and men alike were sobbing into their shirt sleeves, including my father who to this day claims he simply ate too many Red Hots.
    Then I looked to Laura. She was laughing.
    Now, I don’t want to make my wife sound insensitive. She cries a lot, or at least a normal amount for a woman her age. She can’t even listen to music by Sarah McLachlan because it reminds her of the SPCA’s anti-animal-cruelty commercials. But there was something about the ridiculousness of the situation that made her lose control at the movie theater that evening. She tried to hold in her emotions, but the more she struggled to conceal them, the more they burst through. People around us started to become irked, which only made things worse. I asked Laura what was going on.
    She waited several seconds before answering.
    â€œYo, Adrian,” she whispered in my ear, a reference to the line from the Rocky movies. Apparently, the scene in front of us had made her think of that love story from Philadelphia, while everyone else was still grieving in