Got Cake? Read Free Page B

“Cool, huh?”
    â€œBut—but—” I sputtered. “Feenman, Halloween is five months away!”
    â€œNo problem,” he replied. “I used waterproof paint. No way it’ll ever wash off.”
    Crench grinned at me through the thick, red globs of paint oozing down his head. “Scary, huh?”
    â€œScary,” I said. “What are you supposed to be?”
    â€œA dude who is red,” he said.
    I should have known.
    Time to get the ball rolling. Time to put the party idea in their heads…
    I dropped down onto the edge of their bunk bed. “You know, it’s hard to keep a secret around here,” I said.
    Feenman bent down to paint Crench’s sneakers. “Secret, Bernie?”
    â€œYeah. I heard your secret,” I said. “I know you guys are planning a big surprise party for my birthday.”
    â€œWe are ?” they both replied.
    Feenman carefully painted Crench’s socks.
    â€œYeah, the secret got out,” I said. “But listen, guys. Keep the party small, okay? I don’t want kids to think I’m stuck-up. Just invite everyone in the whole school. And maybe a few hundred kids from other schools.”
    â€œNo problem, Bernie,” Feenman said.
    â€œYeah, no problem,” Crench repeated. He scratched his head. Now his hand was smeared with red paint. “When did you say your birthday was?”
    I laughed. “Don’t tease me,” I said. “I know you know the answer to that. I know you guys have been planning this party for weeks.”
    â€œYeah. Right,” Feenman said. He turned Crench around and started painting his butt red.
    â€œCatch you later,” I said. “Remember—make it a small party. Just invite everyone you can think of.”
    I stepped out into the hall, but I didn’t go into my room. I pressed myself against the wall and eavesdropped on them.
    â€œDid you know it was Bernie’s birthday?” I heard Crench say.
    â€œNo,” Feenman answered. “Think we should give him some kind of party?”
    â€œI dunno,” Crench replied. “Maybe.”
    Okay! I thought. Well done, Bernie. That’s a start.
    I tiptoed back to my room.
    I’d put the idea into their heads.
    I could already hear the whole school singing “Happy Birthday” to me.
    Will that impress Leif Blower?
    Does a duck swim backward in the spring?

Chapter 9
BELZER CAN’T KEEP A SECRET
    I waited three days. Then I took Belzer aside in the Dining Hall during lunch.
    Belzer must have eaten a big lunch. He couldn’t button his school blazer. Underneath it he wore a red-and-white T-shirt. I pulled open the blazer and read the T-shirt:
    I MAY BE STUPID BUT AT LEAST I’M UGLY .
    I frowned at him. “Belzer, where do you get these loser T-shirts?”
    He squinted at me. “You really think it’s a loser shirt? My mother sent it to me.”

    Belzer grabbed a slice of pizza off the serving table. He tried to eat it whole but missed his mouth, and most of it went onto his shirt.
    â€œBelzer, I know you and the guys are planning a big surprise party for me,” I said. “It’s going to be HUGE—right?”
    He blinked. “Party?”
    â€œTry to keep it small,” I said. “I’m a modest guy. I’d like it to be small.”
    He picked a piece of pepperoni off his shirt and ate it. “Party? Bernie, I haven’t heard anything about a party.”
    I laughed and slapped him on the back. “I see that little smile on your face, Belzer,” I said. “You’re so bad at keeping a secret!”
    He blinked some more. “Party? Are you sure?”
    I handed him another pizza slice. This time it went all over his forehead.
    Did the guys forget about planning the party?
    I decided they needed more reminding. So I called a Rotten House dorm meeting that night….

Chapter 10
I BERNIE
    I herded everyone into the Rotten