Good Behavior Read Free Page B

thought it over, and saw only one way to handle the situation. He said, “Bow? Cow? Dow? Fow?” The look they gave him when he said fow made him skip gow . “How?”
    Several of the nuns were pointing at the floor or stooping down. Dortmunder said, “Start at the other end of the alphabet?” and they smiled in agreement and relief, and he said, “Zow? Yow? Wow? Vow?”
    That was it! Thousands of fingers pointed at him in triumph. “Vow,” Dortmunder repeated.
    The head nun smiled, and spread her hands: There. That’s the story .
    â€œI don’t get it,” Dortmunder said.
    A collective sigh went up, the first sound he’d heard from this crowd. While the rest of the nuns all raised their eyebrows at one another, the boss put her finger to her lips, then cupped her hand around her ear and leaned forward to make a big dumb-show of listening.
    â€œSure,” Dortmunder agreed. “It’s real quiet. When you’ve got nobody talking, that’s how it gets.”
    The nun shook her head, did the dumb-show again, and spread her hands: Get it, idiot?
    â€œOh, it’s a clue.” Dortmunder leaned forward, holding the wheelchair arms. “What is it, like, sounds like quiet? Riot. Diet. No? Oh, you mean quiet . Something like quiet. A different word like quiet. Well, I mean, when it’s real quiet, it’s like, you know, it’s quiet, you can’t hear anything, you like it when it’s quiet at night, things get very quiet, you want some other word like quiet, when it’s quiet, when there’s no horns or anything, it’s real quiet and—I’m thinking! I’m doing my best! ”
    Still they glowered at him, hands on hips. “Gee whiz,” Dortmunder said, “I’m new to this, you people do it all the time. And I just had a bad fall, and—All right, all right, I’m thinking.”
    Hunched in the wheelchair, not speaking, he thought and thought and thought . “Well, there’s always silence,” he said, “but beyond that I can’t—Oh! It’s silence! ”
    Yes! They all pretended to applaud, nearly clapping their hands together. Then more and more of them switched over to a pointing thing. Point here , then point there . Point here , then point there .
    Dortmunder was getting into the swing of it now, gaining confidence from his successes. “I get it,” he said. “Put the two things together. Vow. Silence. Vow. Silence.” He nodded, and then he did get it, and loudly he said, “A vow of silence! You got a—One of those religious things, a vow of silence!”
    Yes! They were delighted with his accomplishment, if he’d been a Maypole they’d have danced around him. A vow of silence!
    Dortmunder spread his hands. “Why didn’t you just write that, on a piece of paper?”
    They all stopped their silent congratulations, and looked briefly puzzled. A few of them plucked at their skirts or sleeves to call attention to their habits, suggesting it was just habit, but the chief nun stared at Dortmunder, then reached into her garments and came out with a three-by-five notepad and a ballpoint pen. She wrote briskly, tore off the note, and handed it to Dortmunder.
    Can you read?
    â€œOh, now,” Dortmunder said. “No need to insult me.”

4
    Mother Mary Forcible and Sister Mary Serene wrote notes back and forth with the speed of long practice. Here in the tiny cluttered office of the convent, with its barred window viewing Vestry Street, they sat on opposite sides of Mother Mary Forcible’s large desk, shoving their notes at each other with increasing vehemence.
    We want Sister Mary Grace back!
    God will show us the way .
    He showed us last night, in the chapel!
    We shall not consort with robbers and thieves .
    Our Lord and Savior did!
    Get thee behind me, Satan!
    It went on like that, the torn-off pieces of notepad piling up on both