Get Zombie: 8-Book Set Read Free Page B

thick
fishing line, hooks of assorted sizes, swords, a chainsaw, a shotgun,
unsharpened poles, sharpened poles, paint, Halloween makeup, a cape,
and candy.
    Once on the road, I asked her where we were going. She
didn’t answer for a long time. Thinking of this as another one
of her “tests,” I did not press the question.
    Later, when we drove past the police station on
Beretania and drove up toward Tantalus, I asked again. She apologized
and said that she didn’t understand me the first time because I
mumble and that I should learn how to enunciate better.
    I agreed. Mumbling had always been a problem of mine –
to this very day.
    We
steered into the Hawaii Nature Center, a popular resort for hikers
and tourists. Many waved as we drove past. Barbara encouraged me to
wave back so as to not arouse suspicion. I asked why she wasn’t
waving back, and she complained that her hands were feverish. Later,
she said that she was lying to me and that she was just shy.
    I
had been here many times to direct and act in various TV shows:
Twist, I Buried the Devil, and Sword Fighter: The Movie. I had missed
the place.
    The gate said that the center closed at 6pm. It was
already 5:30. Barbara parked the SUV in a ditch, and we laced our
hiking boots and put on our backpacks. She taped a sign on the
windshield that read, This vehicle is property
of the gas company. Please DO NOT tow or tamper with this vehicle in
any way or else you will be caught by the local Hawaiian mountain
police and be imprisoned forever. Love – The Gas Company.
    I expressed my concern toward the letter’s
effectiveness. Barbara said she couldn’t understand what I was
saying and that I should enunciate clearly.
    The center had closed. We couldn’t enter any of
the main hiking trails, so to avoid being seen by the center’s
staff, we hiked through the nearby woods, planning to make our way
around the center and its offices and thereby accessing the trails.
    This took longer than expected.
    To help us on our trek, Barbara picked up two long
sticks from off the mud and called them magic sticks, since they had
magic in them because it was nature’s way. I held my magical
hiking stick in my hands, and I’d be lying if I said that I
didn’t feel some kind of force go through me. Barbara smiled.
    “ Do you feel it? Do you feel it ?”
    I nodded.
    “ Yessm. An internal earthquake has just awoken my
aura!”
    I kissed my magic stick, with tongue, and felt
wide-awake – like I could hike forever.

    Seconds
later I began to feel sick. I was getting tired, falling asleep as I
walked. My legs were possessed with cramps, my hands were bumpy, my
back felt like my front, and I had head sweat.
    I asked if we could stop for a few minutes so I could
use the bathroom. She agreed and proceeded to follow me behind a
tree. I inquired what she was doing. Barbara asked if she could watch
me defecate. I said no and that what she had just said greatly
disturbed me. Barbara brushed my cheek with the back of her hand and
whispered that we had to get over all fears if we were to be
successful on this hunt. I understood completely and agreed that she
could watch.
    As I squatted under a looming tree, I asked her to
continuously shake a tree branch to help relax my bowels. What she
had said was brilliant – the bit about getting over our fears.
When I was done wiping myself clean with dry leaves, I asked Barbara
if I could then watch her use the bathroom.
    She slapped me in the face with both hands and called me
a sick pervert. She commanded that I give her ten dollars for her
embarrassment. I apologized for my ignorance and gave her a twenty.
She walked off with it. I didn’t expect change.
    After we had inflated the tent, we crawled under our
blankets and said nothing to each other for almost an hour. When she
said she had to leave to use the restroom, I hoped that she’d
ask me to watch her so I could get over my fear of watching someone
urinate.
    She never