Forgive Me, Alex Read Free Page B

like chimneys out here, or do drugs."
    "Yuck!"
    "Don't worry. We'll stay away from that stuff." I loved that we shared those values. "Then, of course, there's the skinny-dipping and the sex."
    "Oh my! I'll have you know that I'm a lady, sir. I'm no exhibitionist." She leaned in and kissed me. "Except with you."
    She skipped her usual seductive playfulness and leaned back. She knew I wasn't in that place, that frame of mind.
    She laid her head on my shoulder. "Don't you guys ever worry about your parents catching you?"
    "Nah, they don't come here."
    I didn't know if this place was such a big secret, or if the older folks just didn't want to deal with the half-mile hike through the brush and trees to get there from the nearest street. At any rate, they didn't bother us, which made it a popular escape spot for teenagers.
    This figured to be my last summer here, and I could hardly look at Diana for fear my emotions would get away from me. She wisely refrained from dangling her feet in the lake, but I couldn't resist. The early spring water chilled my toes into dead stumps, even as the noon sun baked my face. I loved the contrast: perfect metaphors for the forces pushing and pulling at me those days.
    She sighed and placed her hand on my chest. "Summer will be here before we know it."
    It's time.
    I maintained a light tone. "Yeah, feels like I've been waiting forever to graduate. Then I get to have one last carefree summer before...."
    She squeezed my hand again. She was a year behind me, a junior.
    Her voice thickened. "You're supposed to be happy, you know. It's a big event, a fun time."
    "I know."
    "But...."
    "I know I'm supposed to feel excited about college, about my freedom, about a whole new world full of potential and adventure. Part of me... hell, I can't wait to see it. I've earned it!"
    "But...."
    "I hardly know where to begin." I pulled my hand from hers and laid my arm around her shoulders. "For one thing, I've been taking care of Alex for three years. He's my Shadow, and he doesn't have anyone else."
    "What about your dad?"
    I huffed and almost laughed.
    Alex was a bright kid, enthusiastic and determined—my little man. I often told him he was a grown-up trapped in a kid's body. He loved that. I liked it too, although I knew better. He may have acted older, but he was just ten years old. The way he followed me around, I often worried that people would think I had him on a leash. It irritated the hell out of me.
    Well, it did. Until Mom died.
    Somewhere along the way, I'd become more than his big brother; I was his best buddy, hero and idol. I'd never meant for such a thing to happen, but no sense in denying it.
    I stared down at the water. "I don't know what to do about Alex. Dad wants to be a good father, but since Mom died, he's been way out of his element. He escapes in his work. He's more comfortable there than at home, dealing with two kids by himself. Not exactly father of the year."
    She admonished me with a stunned expression.
    "I know, I know. I hate to say such a thing about my own father, but I can't help it. You haven't seen the real Hank Hooper over the last three years. Trust me, if I walk away from Alex, I'll be leaving him largely to his own devices."
    I longed for the simpler, carefree days unencumbered by the baggage of adulthood: the expectations, the worries, the pressures. I wanted to ride my bike on sunny days, play baseball all day long at the park, or teach Alex the finer points of basketball. I yearned for the simple distraction of my baseball card collection, or to crank up the stereo and sing along, pretending to the throne of stardom. I rarely did those things anymore—too old for that stuff, anyway.
    "Shit! It's not fair." I hated whining, especially when it was my own voice.
    My mother, in dying; my father, in retreating; my brother, in needing: each had conspired to take from me a sizable chunk of that which I could never regain: my childhood.
    Bluch! I gazed once more into the water,