What do you think this is on my head? An ornament? I'm a unicorn, you moron!'
'Horse, unicorn; what's the difference?'
The unicorn pawed the ground, and lowered his head so that light glistened on his wickedly pointed horn.
'Right. That does it. One at a time or all at once — you're all getting it!'
'Nice one, leader,' muttered the smallest goblin.
Rupert shot an amused glance at the unicorn. 'I thought you were a sensible, logical coward?'
'I'm too busy being angry,' growled the unicorn. 'I'll be afraid later, when there's time. Line these creeps up for me, and I'll skewer the lot. I'll show them a shish kebab they won't forget in a hurry.'
The goblins huddled together for comfort and retreated even further down the trail.
'Will you stop messing about and kill the traveller!' roared the voice from the shadows.
'You want him dead, you kill him!' snapped the smallest goblin, looking busily around for the nearest escape route. 'This is all your fault, anyway. We should have ambushed him while he was distracted, like we usually do.'
There was a deep sigh, and then the goblin leader stepped majestically out of the shadows.
Broad-shouldered, impressively muscled, and very nearly five feet tall, he was the biggest goblin Rupert had ever seen. The goblin leader stubbed out a vile-looking cigar on his verdigrised bronze breastplate, and marched over to glare at the tightly packed goblins cowering together in the middle of the trail. He sighed again, and shook his head disgustedly.
'Look at you. How am I supposed to make fighters out of you if you won't fight? I mean, what's the problem? He's only one man!'
'And a unicorn,' pointed out the smallest goblin helpfully.
'All right, one man and a unicorn. So what? We're supposed to be footpads, remember? It's our job to waylay defenceless travellers and take their valuables.'
'He don't look defenceless to me,' muttered the smallest goblin. 'Look at that dirty big sword he's
carrying.'
The goblins stared at it with a morbid fascination as Rupert tried a few practice cuts and lunges. The unicorn moved back and forth behind him, sighting his horn at various goblins, which did absolutely nothing to improve their confidence.
'Come on, lads,' said the goblin leader desperately. 'How can you be frightened of someone who rides a unicorn?'
'What's that got to do with anything?' asked the smallest goblin. The leader murmured something, of which only the word 'Virgin' was clearly audible. All the goblins peered at Rupert and sniggered meaningfully.
'It's not easy being a prince,' said Rupert, blushing bright red despite himself. 'You want to make something of it?'
He took a firm grip on his sword and sheared clean through an overhanging branch. The severed end hit the ground with an ominous-sounding thud.
'Don't get him angry,' muttered the smallest goblin.
'Will you shut up,' snarled the goblin leader. 'Look, there's thirteen of us and only one of him. If we all rush him at once, we're bound to get him.'
'Want to bet?' said an anonymous voice from the back.
'Shut up! When I give the word, charge. Charge!'
He started forward, brandishing his sword, and the other goblins reluctantly followed him. Rupert braced himself, took careful aim, and flattened the goblin leader with a single blow to the head from the flat of his sword. The other goblins skidded to a halt, took one look at their fallen leader, and promptly threw down their weapons. Rupert herded them together, well away from their discarded weapons, and then leaned against a convenient tree while he tried to figure out what to do next. The goblin leader got slowly to his feet, shook his aching head to clear it, and then wished he hadn't. He glared at Rupert, and tried to look defiant. He wasn't particularly successful.
'I told you thirteen was unlucky,' muttered the smallest goblin.
'All right,' said Rupert. 'Everyone pay attention, and I'll tell you what I'll do. You agree to get the hell out of here and stop
'Horse, unicorn; what's the difference?'
The unicorn pawed the ground, and lowered his head so that light glistened on his wickedly pointed horn.
'Right. That does it. One at a time or all at once — you're all getting it!'
'Nice one, leader,' muttered the smallest goblin.
Rupert shot an amused glance at the unicorn. 'I thought you were a sensible, logical coward?'
'I'm too busy being angry,' growled the unicorn. 'I'll be afraid later, when there's time. Line these creeps up for me, and I'll skewer the lot. I'll show them a shish kebab they won't forget in a hurry.'
The goblins huddled together for comfort and retreated even further down the trail.
'Will you stop messing about and kill the traveller!' roared the voice from the shadows.
'You want him dead, you kill him!' snapped the smallest goblin, looking busily around for the nearest escape route. 'This is all your fault, anyway. We should have ambushed him while he was distracted, like we usually do.'
There was a deep sigh, and then the goblin leader stepped majestically out of the shadows.
Broad-shouldered, impressively muscled, and very nearly five feet tall, he was the biggest goblin Rupert had ever seen. The goblin leader stubbed out a vile-looking cigar on his verdigrised bronze breastplate, and marched over to glare at the tightly packed goblins cowering together in the middle of the trail. He sighed again, and shook his head disgustedly.
'Look at you. How am I supposed to make fighters out of you if you won't fight? I mean, what's the problem? He's only one man!'
'And a unicorn,' pointed out the smallest goblin helpfully.
'All right, one man and a unicorn. So what? We're supposed to be footpads, remember? It's our job to waylay defenceless travellers and take their valuables.'
'He don't look defenceless to me,' muttered the smallest goblin. 'Look at that dirty big sword he's
carrying.'
The goblins stared at it with a morbid fascination as Rupert tried a few practice cuts and lunges. The unicorn moved back and forth behind him, sighting his horn at various goblins, which did absolutely nothing to improve their confidence.
'Come on, lads,' said the goblin leader desperately. 'How can you be frightened of someone who rides a unicorn?'
'What's that got to do with anything?' asked the smallest goblin. The leader murmured something, of which only the word 'Virgin' was clearly audible. All the goblins peered at Rupert and sniggered meaningfully.
'It's not easy being a prince,' said Rupert, blushing bright red despite himself. 'You want to make something of it?'
He took a firm grip on his sword and sheared clean through an overhanging branch. The severed end hit the ground with an ominous-sounding thud.
'Don't get him angry,' muttered the smallest goblin.
'Will you shut up,' snarled the goblin leader. 'Look, there's thirteen of us and only one of him. If we all rush him at once, we're bound to get him.'
'Want to bet?' said an anonymous voice from the back.
'Shut up! When I give the word, charge. Charge!'
He started forward, brandishing his sword, and the other goblins reluctantly followed him. Rupert braced himself, took careful aim, and flattened the goblin leader with a single blow to the head from the flat of his sword. The other goblins skidded to a halt, took one look at their fallen leader, and promptly threw down their weapons. Rupert herded them together, well away from their discarded weapons, and then leaned against a convenient tree while he tried to figure out what to do next. The goblin leader got slowly to his feet, shook his aching head to clear it, and then wished he hadn't. He glared at Rupert, and tried to look defiant. He wasn't particularly successful.
'I told you thirteen was unlucky,' muttered the smallest goblin.
'All right,' said Rupert. 'Everyone pay attention, and I'll tell you what I'll do. You agree to get the hell out of here and stop
Similar Books
13 Day War
Richard S. Tuttle
The Deviants
C.J. Skuse
Fabulous Five 009 - The Boyfriend Dilemma
Betsy Haynes
Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians
Corey Andrew, Kathleen Madigan, Jimmy Valentine, Kevin Duncan, Joe Anders, Dave Kirk
Illegal
Paul Levine
Privileged to Kill
Steven F. Havill
Fearless
Eric Blehm
Mason: Inked Reapers MC
Heather West
Slay it with Flowers
Kate Collins
