Finding an Angel Read Free Page B

definitely different.
    Chuckling, I sit my safe space away from her. “Only because you answer me. I can’t see you when I walk up. So you are a good hider,” I grin at her as she smiles.
    She looks down at her hands. “Can you play today?”
    “Until Mom calls me for supper. Then I have to do my homework,” I point my finger into my mouth and make a gagging noise. This earns me another one of her rare and beautiful, almost music like, giggles.
    “What’s it like going to school and…” her voice trails off.
    “And what,” I ask, but my stomach did flips at the thought of her answer.
    “You know,” she says as she pulls some grass next to her.
    It is in her voice. I can hear them – the negative thoughts about herself, but yet at the same time, I want an answer too. So, selfish as I may be, I push forward.
    “No, I don’t know that’s why I’m asking,” I say gently, hoping and praying she won’t get angry with me.
    Her head snaps up at me as she glares through the tears that shimmer in her eyes. “To go there and be normal. Not like me. Not a moron, a retard, a…”
    “Stop!” I yell before I can stop myself.
    Jessa jumps and a tear slips down her cheek. “You hate me too, don’t you?”
    “No! I hate hearing you talk about yourself like that. It hurts me to hear you think so little of yourself. You’re none of those awful things you are saying,” I end softer.
    “I hurt you,” she asks as she takes a deep breath.
    Shaking my head, I try to find the right words for her to understand. She is super smart, but when it comes to things about herself she only sees the negative. It makes me want to hurt everyone that has made her this way. She’s incredible and deserves to know it.
    “You’re my best friend, Jessa. When you say things like that about yourself… I don’t like it. Knowing that people have told you that makes me hurt for you. You don’t hurt me. You make me smile and enjoy the day when I used to just put on a pair of headphones and ignore it all. There’s no way you’d ever hurt me, unless you made me leave.”
    “You’re my best friend too,” she says. “Well, you’re my only friend,” she admits.
    “Then no more bad talk about my best friend, okay?”
    Smiling, she nods her head. “Do you know what you’re friendship means to me?”
    “Will you tell me?” I ask without directly answering the question.
    What she does next shocks me so much that I lose my breath. She moves over and cups my face in her hands. All I can do is stare at her. Honestly, I’m afraid to breathe. Afraid that if I do, she’ll move away and I get a warming feeling from her touch that calms the anger that has been boiling since she started talking bad about herself.
    “You’re good and there are so many bad people out there. When you spend time with me, I don’t see them or hear them. It’s just me and you. You are my savior and best friend,” she smiles big, presses a kiss to my cheek and moves away from me quickly to her safe distance.
    “You… You touched me,” is all I can stammer out as I stare at her.
    “Was that wrong?” Her eyes immediately going wide.
    “No,” I answer quickly. “But you never get that close to other people outside your parents.”
    She shrugs her shoulders, as if it wasn’t a huge step for her. “It felt right for that moment. Please don’t get too close without…”
    “You don’t have to finish that. I’d never do anything to scare you.”

    Ten years old…
    “I know this stuff already Mama,” shoving angrily at the books that lay before me.
    “Show me you know then,” Mom challenges me.
    “What do you mean?”
    “If you take this test and pass it, you don’t have to do this course and I’ll move you up… again and try something more challenging to you. Do we have a deal?”
    Looking down at the Math that lay out before me that is so easy for me it makes me feel stupid for having to do it. Maybe I am stupid and this really wasn’t easy